


Learn to love again

by mytearscry



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Depressed Tony Stark, Everyone Has Issues, Hurt Tony Stark, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Please don't read this if you're only going to bash, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Rhodey, Protective Thor, Steve Has Issues, They get better though, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, but team cap are totally jerks at the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 09:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytearscry/pseuds/mytearscry
Summary: *THIS STORY IS UNDER MAJOR CONSTRUCTION*A/N: If you have not already started this story I recommend not starting now. For the time being the story will be going through major revisions and edit and you might be confused by story. When this note has been removed the will be going back to regular scheduled chapters. Thank you for your time and have a nice day.✌To say Tony Stark was broken after the so called Avengers "Civil War" would be an understatement. He was destroyed by it. After a good portion of a team, he once called family abandons him, he is left to pick up the pieces. And the way he tries to, ends up causing more harm to himself. This is a story of how sometimes the only thing you can do is say "Sorry."





	1. Things I can't remember

**Author's Note:**

> I never watched age of ultron. So while the basics of that did happen it will not be canon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New version of chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long...I didn't realize how much I needed to change the characters and so forth. Tony and Rhodey are different from their past incarnations. Tony is more fearful (I took the time to look up symptoms of PTSD and incorporated that into my story.) and Rhodey doesn't know how to help Tony. (I think this is much more realistic trait, at least to me.) So far this chapter focuses on how they feel which I feel is the right way to start this story off. I hope you read the new chapter and enjoy it.

Tony,

I'm glad you're back at the compound, I don't like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine.

I've been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere, even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I cant let them down either.

Locks can be replaced, but - maybe they shouldn't.

I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought - by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but I can see now I was really sparing myself. I'm sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand.

I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do, it's all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you need us. If you need me, I'll be there.

Steve

><><><

_ I'm glad your back at the compound, I don't like the idea of you rattling around that mansion by yourself. _

_Buts that's the thing, he was by himself._

_So many empty rooms._

_So much space._

_So very quiet._

_And he hated it._

_It destroyed him._

_At least the New Avengers would be arriving soon._

**It hurts so much to give your all for something you love. Then watch it fall apart. And then it hits.**

_ The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. _

_What?_

_He had already left the Avengers after Ultron._

_Add to the fact Steve took them all to Wakanda._

_Even so, no matter how much he wanted, the Avengers would never be his._

_But the Avengers were his drug._

_And he was addicted._

_Like a drug, even if it almost killed him, he'd always coming back for another fix._

_They would never be his._

**At first you're in shock, not quite understanding what's happening. Trying to convince yourself it's not happening.**

_ We all need family. _

_Did that pertain to him?_

_The "Avengers" were suppose to be his family._

_And even that fall apart._

_Something he should have been used to._

**Then the sadness comes. It sinks deep into your bone, becoming a part of your DNA. Because it is true. It is happening.**

_ I never really fit in anywhere. _

_What about the the tower? What about the compound?_

_Hadn't they all fit in the Avengers because they didn't belong anywhere else_

**And after that? Rage. An all consuming rage. It makes you want to destroy everything thing in your path. And sometimes, you do.**

_ My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. _

_Well, what about Steve's faith in Tony._

_Didn't he have faith in him?_

_Faith to make sure to get the Accords done correctly._

_Faith in him to tell the truth about Bucky._

_Faith in him to get Bucky help, he was a POW for god sakes. Tony understood that._

_FAITH IN HIM TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT FOR THE TEAM._

_Apparently not._

**Finally, you're standing in the ashes. The feelings you had before? You want them to come back, just something to take the emptiness away.**

_ Which is why I can't let them down either. _

_And that made it OK to let everyone else down?_

_Captain America has let so many people down with this whole Accords and Bucky thing._

_Like calling Clint in, when he had a family._

_Like having Scott on the team when the fucker had a little girl back home, waiting for her daddy._

_Sure, maybe Clint and Scott hadn't been let down by the Captain but their families sure had_

_And so many others too._

_He was supposed to give people hope, not crush it._

**But then it becomes the only thing you know. And you no longer remember the time before.**

_ Hopefully one day you can understand. _

_Maybe, but don't hold your breath_

**And everything seems ok.**

_ If you need me, I'll be there. _

_That was a lie. A huge ass lie._

_Tony need Steve with the Accords._

_Tony need Steve to tell him the truth of his parents' death._

_Tony just needed Steve to be there._

**It's not.**

_> <><><_

Tony

 

"So you don't remember what happened at the bunker? Are you sure, Tones? You're not saying that to protect them?"

He shakes his head.

"I know they did something to me...but..."

Tony winces at the throbbing pain in his head.

"I have nightmares of it, but when I wake up I can't remember. I only know what FRIDAY recorded and that doesn't have the whole fight."

Rhodey sighs.

"I'll kill them, I swear to god if I se-"

"Don't." Tony interrupts. "Something big is coming, and we'll need them whether you like it or not."

"And that's why you're working on bringing them back."

"...Yes. Even with the newbies, it won't be enough."

Rhodey huffs and shakes his head. "God knows I hate it but no doubt the world will end the day you're wrong." He smiles at Tony.

Tony smiles back weakly.

Rhodey frowns concerned, "Tones, I think you should get some rest. You look like you haven't slept in a week."

He almost tells him that he hasn't.

Instead he smiles and nods, turning to walk back to his room.

"Tony?"

He faces Rhodey.

"If they come back thinking they can treat you like crap, I will not hesitate to blast them to Kingdom Come."

Tony wonders if he should feel something towards the promise.

Happiness?

Content?

Proud of his "honey bear"?

He doesn't know what to do so he smiles and nods once more before turning and going back to the safety of his lab.

He loved Rhodey but he didn't have the energy to deal with any of this.

Sometimes he wished he never had to leave his lab.

He was safe in his lab.

His lab protected him.

At least from the world.

_> <><><_

Sometimes he wondered what happened to...him.

He knows he's different than before, but he's not sure how.

Or when it happened.

Maybe it's now he's empty.

He has no substance.

He's nothing but a shell.

And he doesn't know how he should feel about it.

The one thing he knows is that he manages to fuck everything he touches.

Is it his own fault that he's like this?

Did he do this to himself?

He's drowning in his thoughts.

Help.

Help.

**HELP.**

Someone, anyone save him.

Save him from himself.

Rhodey

He knew something was wrong with Tony.

And he wanted to do something about it.

But sometimes things are easier said than done and Rhodey didn't know what to do.

He saw all the warning signs.

Tony not remembering parts of the fight.

The fear and guilt that radiated from Tony theses days.

The complete disinterest of activities he used to love.

And how he startled at the slightest sound, the slightest touch.

Tony was distancing himself from the world, and Rhodey couldn't do a thing about it.

How do you help someone suffering from PTSD?

How do help them when they have depression?

Was there a book he could read?

Why couldn't he help Tony.

Tony needed him.

Yet, Rhodey didn't know what to do.

And that destroyed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? I hope you did. Quiz time! Who do you think the "newbies" are? Anyway hope you enjoyed this. I'm sorry about the wait, but I ~~kinda~~ suffer from bipolar and sometimes finding the will to write is hard. Don't worry I am getting help but please don't be mad if I say I'll update but then don't. Again I want to thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoyed it, until next time! ✌


	2. Tony realizes Cap is full of BS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT REVISED  
> NOT A NEW VERSION  
> STOP READING

_I'm glad your back at the compound, I don't like the idea of you rattling around that mansion by yourself._

That's cute.

Tony wasn't alone in the compound. HE HAD ALL THEIR FUCKING GHOSTS TO KEEP HIM COMPANY.

A bunch of empty rooms. So much space. So very quiet.

He hated it so much.

_The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine._

Tony laughed bitterly.

That was joke, right. He had done the math. 73% of the Avengers were with the Captain. (Not counting The Hulk or Thor) SEVENTY THREE FRICKING PERCENT.

And all he was left with was a teenager just getting the hang of his powers, a robot (A/N what the fuck is Vision anyway?) that sounded to much like his previous AI, and his closest friend who might never walk again.

Fuck.

_We all need family._

Yeah? Then where were his? The "Avengers" were all he had.

Now, what did he have?

_I never really fit in anywhere._

What about the the tower? What about the compound? What about when they weren't a team but a family?

Didn't they all fit in Avengers because they didn't belong anywhere else.

_My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals._

Well, what about Steve's faith in Tony. Didn't he have faith in him?

Faith to make sure to get the Accords done correctly. Faith in him to not kill (maybe maim not kill through) Bucky.

_Which is why I can't let them down either._

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Let's be real. Captain America has let so many people down with this whole Accords and Bucky thing it's not even funny.

Like with calling Clint in, when he had a FUCKING family.

Like having Scott on the team when the fucker had a little girl back home, waiting for daddy.

Sure, maybe Clint and Scott hadn't been let down by the Mr. Oh-So-Holy Captain but their families sure had.

Imagine all the little kids that used to look at him with awe. Now probably cry when they see all the shit he's done.

And then there was Tony. He didn't even want to get into it.

_Hopefully one day you can understand._

ONE DAY HE COULD UNDERSTAND. HE UNDERSTANDS?!?! UNDERSTAND WHAT???

That it's a great idea to keep hidden who killed somebody's parents. That you should use your fist before you talk. That beating up a friend and leaving them in the frigid cold is so fucking amazing.

_And if you need us. If you need me, I'll be there._

That was a lie. A huge ass lie.

Tony need Steve with the Accords. Tony need Steve to tell him the truth of his parents' death. Tony need Steve to do a sacrifice play AND LAY DOWN ON A WIRE AND LET HIM CRAWL OVER HIM.

Hadn't he done the same with the nuke in New York, with sending Bruce away, WITH LETTING THE ROGUE AVENGERS STAY WAKANDA AND NOT SEND EVERY FUCKING ARMY AFTER THEM.

So yeah, if he torched that letter a week after reading it's shitty contents. Who could blame him.

And maybe he had melted that ugly phone down and sent it to Hammer Tech. Hopefully they would understand outdated trash belongs with outdated trash.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this. See any mistakes tell me in the comments.


	3. Nightmares don't leave in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this came out later then expected because it took my editor (really my friend) a bit long to edit it. It's also a chapter that focuses on Tony's thoughts. Sorry it's short, next one will be longer.

_He couldn't move._

_The cold was creeping in. He couldn't escape it._

_His body was starting to shut down._

_Every breath felt like he was swallowing gasoline. Every bone in his body had felt like lead._

_And out from the shadows came voice._

_"You're a man who has everything....and nothing"_

_Yinsen_

_And then another._

_"You're going to kill yourself, Tony. I'm not going to be a part of it."_

_Pepper_

_More from the shadows._

_"You don't deserve to wear one of these. SHUT IT DOWN."_

_Rhodey_

_"You may not be a threat, but you better stop acting like a hero."_

_Fucking Rogers_

_"Don't compare me with Stark! He's a sickness!"_

_Ultron_

_He wanted to beg them to understand. Why can't they see that all he wanted to do was help! Why can't they see._

_Everyone, villains and heroes alike, thought something was wrong with him._

_So many voices saying he wasn't what he tried so hard to be._

_A hero._

_And with that thought, a shield came down on his arc reactor._

_Over and over again._

_Never stopping._

_Trying to get to his heart. To kill him. To finally do the right thing (the smart thing) and rid the world of the scum known as Tony Stark_.

  
 Tony woke up, heart beating rapidly gasping for air. He looked around panicked. Where was he? Gripping whatever was in his hands. Where. Was. He.

He tried to collect his thoughts.

He took a breath, closing his eyes.

 Calm down. He thought to himself. Taking deep breaths and counted to 10 like Pepper had taught him do.

 It took him five minutes to open his eyes again.

 When he did he looked around before realizing he was his workshop. Letting a shuddering breath, he let his head fall in his hands.

 "I'm not there. I'm not there. I'm not in Siberia." He repeated to himself.

 "Boss?" Friday said.

 "Friday. Why was I asleep? Protocol 2TS is suppose to wake me up." Tony says looking up.

 "That's correct Boss, but Protocol 76LMS that you put in declaring if you go over 76 hours without sleep and happen to fall asleep I am permitted to ignore Protocol 2TS. You were on the 80th hour."

 "Doesn't happen often but I guess you're right."

 "Whatever helps you sleep at night, boss." Friday shot back.

 Tony let out another sigh before closing his eyes again. Letting his mind roam.

 Today was the fifteenth, no eighteenth day straight he had spent in his lab. Too afraid to go upstairs and see nothing. He didn't want to be reminded of the "Civil War"(as it had been dubbed by the public). To be reminded of the emptiness, of the quietness, of the coldness that now haunted the upper floors.

 Tony let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He knew that Rhodey or Pepper would stop by soon enough. That Vision would come down bringing food that he would stuff himself with, but not tasting it.

 And he would let them, acting like he was ok. And they, they would believe him because they were afraid that if they said anything he would break.

  **But he was already broken.**

 Letting out a bitter laugh, he turned back to work. He was working on a project for Rhodey so he'd be able to walk again.

 He knew Rhodey didn't blame him for the loss of his legs but maybe it was because Tony did that all himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks (for today) next chapter will have a drunk Tony and unexpected guests show up. Take a wild guess of who! Also I'll be starting a series soon called: Breaking Bonds. It'll be up in the next two weeks so look out for it. Also notice any mistakes, please tell me! ✌


	4. Stark men are made of iron....but iron rusts and bends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda trash but I tried. It was hard writing this so sorry if it's not the best. But I do hope you enjoy this. If you have any criticism please tell me. I want to get better! Thank you

<Tony>

Tony is 97% sure he's drunk. To be truthful he should say 100% but people who can say that they're 100% drunk are too sober.

He's lying on the couch staring at the ceiling just letting the alcohol course through his veins.

Is this what the rest of his life will be like? A blurry haze of not sleeping or being completely drunk. The thought of it has a laugh bubbling in Tony's chest.

It's so stupid. He's so stupid.

Why did he let himself get attached?

Shit, they call him a genius yet he's the stupidest man in the world.

No, but really, why did he let himself get attached? He felt himself laugh. It's sad because he never thought he could laugh anymore after being beaten by The Shield (you know, the one he's admired since he was a child).

Even though he got attached, why was he so surprised that it had ended like this? To know that this is the way it ended.

Everyone always left him. Whether if it was because of death (Yinsen), betrayal (Steve/Obie), a break-up (Pepper) or some other god forsaken reason (Bruce). Everyone one would always leave him.

Why wasn't he used to this already?

He's laughing uncontrollably.

God, he was so stupid. Why hadn't he seen this happening. For fucking real, after Ultron, how did he not notice the barrier, he was sure wasn't there before.

He should have prepared himself for something that was definitive.

He's crying. He's 100% sure about that.

He must look crazy! Laughing and sobbing at the same time. Dear lord, what would his father say.

He imagined his father towering over him, giving Tony the "I-don't-care-what-happened-you're-still-one-hell-of-a-disappointment" look. He imagined his father telling him"Stark men are made of iron."

Well, Howard go fuck yourself, thank you very much. Because, guess what, iron rust. Iron bends. And most of all iron breaks.

And god,he was broken.

How do you put iron back together after it's been broken? It's not like duct tape or super glue can do the job. Only way to fix it, was melt it down. Start from scratch and hope this time you don't screw up.

And Tony couldn't afford to be remade, to start over. He tried once, after Yinsen. He tried to do a complete 180 on his life. Well, look how great that turned out!

He's suffering from PTSD, panic attacks, alcoholism (but really he always has), he had one best friend lose the ability to walk, he still caused so much death, and most of all he was still the man who "had everything and nothing." And also let's not forget all the times he almost died.

But it's worse now because he had a taste of the other life. He knew what it felt to have something. To be a part of something. To have a family that loved him.

But that's gone now.

And he doesn't know what to do.

<Bruce>

It's quiet.

That's his first thought as he and Thor walk into the compound.

It shouldn't be this quiet.

He should hear some explosion, probably caused by Tony. Or Natasha showing Steve some 21st century stuff. Or, what was his name again, Rhodey yelling at Tony for messing around.

All he knows that it shouldn't be this quiet. There should be something, some noise.

Thor and him shared a look.

And then he heard it, the sound of both laughter and crying. He follows the sound, almost running to find out who it is.

He ends up in the living room, Thor right behind, and he feels his heart break. Tony is on the couch with a bottle in his hands and he's been crying and laughing (he doesn't want to think about how long). Nobody else is there.

Bruce can't help the sound that escape from his throat. Tony probably gives himself whiplash turning towards them.

"B-Bruce?" Tony is looking at him, eyes wide open. He looks so shocked, as if he never thought he'd see Bruce again.

Why does he look like that, Bruce can't help but wonder. He feels himself smile sadly and says softly "Yeah, it's me, Tony."

Tony let's out a sob before scrambling off the couch. Bruce soon has an armful of Tony sobbing (at least he stopped laughing), repeating his name, over and over again like it's his saving grace.

Bruce has millions of questions. Wants to ask why was he crying, where was everybody else, why was he alone. But he doesn't and only pulls Tony closer, afraid that if he let go, even just second, Tony would fall apart.

He hears Thor shuffle closer to them, probably trying to comfort Tony himself.

Tons of things are running through his head. But the biggest thing he finds himself thinking about is why would Tony be here by himself.

><><><><><><

When Tony stops crying, he looks embarrassed and tries to pull away from Bruce but Bruce only clings tighter.

"Uhhh, well, this is awkward." Tony starts.

Only then does he let go of Tony, so he can look into eyes.

"Tony, what happened? Where is everyone. Why were you crying?"

"Yes, friend Tony! Please tell us why it seems the hall are no longer graced with the Avengers conversation?" Thor added.

Tony freezes and looks at him and Thor shocked. "Wait, do you not know what's been happening? I mean with the Civil War and Steve?"

Bruce feels like groaning, he's off the planet for a few years and apparently things fall apart. "First of all, what Civil War. Also what the hell did Steve do now?"

Tony stares at them and then lets out bitter laugh. Bruce feels Thor wince behind him. "God, you guys are serious! Damn did you guys go to fucking Pluto, because I'm sure even people living under rocks knows what the 'Avengers Civil War' was!"

Him and Thor share a look. He finds himself telling Tony "More or less."

Tony looks between them, mouth falling open. "I'm 100% I need to hear this. So a how bout a trade? I tell you all the shit that's gone down and you tell me about your trip to Vulcan." He says this with a smirk but he can still see the pain in his eyes.

"I am always in need for great stories of adventure!" Thor booms.

Tony looks warily at him. "Well, this is one hell of an adventure."

Bruce can't help but ask "Will this cause any problems with you-know-who?"

"Without a doubt." Tony says grinning

 

><><><><><><

 

It's hours later, after the other guy destroyed half the living room, he decides he's going to kill Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna have Tony + team trying to fix the Accords! And maybe a pov from Cap, but most likely not. Also if you're wondering about Thor and Bruce I'll get to their story later. Thank you for reading! ✌


	5. Listen up you fuckers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, sorry this is late. But it is longer than all my other chapters so that's good! So this chapter I'm hoping I get to show more of a BAMF Tony, did I get it? After this alot of the next chapters are gonna show depressed Tony. So enjoy not-so-sad-slash-angry Tony.

<Rhodey>

  
He's glaring at every one in the room but he doesn't give a fuck.

  
His main thought, right now was wondering where the hell Tony was. This stupid meeting started three and a half hours ago, sure, Tony loved being "Fashionably" late (why? He doesn't know)

  
Yeah, he was angry, but mainly Rhodey was frightened.

  
After that damned "Civil War" something inside Tony died. And everyday Rhodey lived in fear Tony would decide to give up. Decide that his life wasn't worth living. That after so many betrayals, he'd down that bottle of pills. And it wouldn't be the first time he would have tried...

 

  
Rhodey doesn't even want to imagine a world without Tony Stark. Tony, even if he refused to believe it, brought so much good to this world. He was always trying to do good, even if it ended up biting him in the ass and destroying his soul.

  
What Howard, Stane, Stone, hell even Vanko never managed to do in years, they did in a mere 7 days. (A/N: That's how long I assumed the civil war lasted I really have no clue.)

  
But, of course Rhodey couldn't leave the meeting. How would that reflect on the (non-rogue) Avengers? So the only thing he could do was sit here listening to these stupid white fucks, acting if they knew what was right for this country.

  
Of course, after deciding that when this shit show was over he would check on Tony, guess who bust through the fucking door?

  
Tony Fucking Stark.

  
He was flanked by Bruce and Thor. Two individuals he wasn't too happy to see. But hey, at least he didn't want to put a bullet through their heads.

  
"Hello, gentlemen." Tony said, while grinning.

  
Rhodey stared at him. Maybe to most , they would see the mask Tony hid behind. But he wasn't most people.

  
The slight shake in his hands indicating that he was about to do something important and scared how it would turn out. The blood-shot eyes meaning he had spent the night either crying or drinking, possibly both. The grin too wide, having a slightly crazed edge to it, showing that he had mostly likely been up for days.

  
Everything pointing to unhealthy coping methods. And it was a terrible thing that Rhodey was relieved. Because at least he was coping, at least he was here.

  
alive.

  
Rhodey wouldn't have to bury another friend.

  
And now, he could breath easy.

  
<Tony>

  
Tony loved making entrance. After everyone was settled down, he would come in, fashionable late, everyone staring at him.

  
Oh, how loved it.

  
But right now, he didn't. He hated the way these men stared at him. Like a cattle up for slaughter.

  
And maybe he was.

  
But he'd give one hell of a fight first.

  
"So, you might be wondering why I called you here today?" I said out loud.

  
"Wait, you didn't cal-"  Some guy said

  
"Uh, uh no talking. Listen." Tony said raising his hand.

  
"Stark, you're late. And when you get here, not only do interrupt us but then disrespect Chief Master Sergent Cody." General Dickward began. "And let me tell you, that little stunt of yours, failing to bring in Rogers and his team, I'm not even sure you should be here. But bringing that monster here"-he's pointing at Bruce-"Is the final straw!"

  
He tilts his head, staring at the general. It seems like hours, but it's only seconds before Ross flinches. He smirks.

  
"Well, that was a lovely speech. No, really, I would ask you to tell me more but I don't want to dirty this room up more with your bullshit."

  
"Mr. Star-" Someone begans

  
"No, I said listen. And that's what everyone is going to do." He's getting angry and slams his hand on the table in front of him.

  
The quiet is deafening.

  
He grins. Now, this is where the "fun" begins.

  
"So, first things first, the Accords. While I am completely on board for it, it needs revision. I mean for fucking real, how many of you thought I would just sign this shit without reading?!? Don't answer that." Tony says looking at everyone in the room.

  
He holds out his hand and feels Bruce place a packet on his palm.

  
"This is what the new Accords will look like." He says throwing the packet toward the middle of the table.

  
Ross grabs it and looks throw it. Tony waits for him to read the majority of it and starts to count down in his head. 7-6-5-4-3-2-

  
"THIS IS BULLSHIT! STARK ARE YOU SHITTING ME!"

  
Tony couldn't help but laugh. "Come on General Marshalls, don't like it? Well too fucking bad. Remember the old Accords which caused several problems? Including, you know, the split of a very important team!"

  
"Stark, listen close, if you think we'll just pardon the rogue Avengers you are clearly mistaken." T J-max says

  
"Ok, first up Old Navy, I'm not demanding full on pardons, that's the least of what I want. But the Avengers were created, if I remember correctly, to protect Earth from threats to powerful to fight alone, or something stupid like that. And how the hell are we suppose to do that if over half the team is MIA!? Cuz if you have any ideas I'm listening!"

  
The room was silent.

  
"Heh, knew it."

  
And what about the Witch? She's dangerous."

  
"She's a child! And she's untrained."

  
"She needs to be controlled."

  
"She needs to be taught!"

  
"And how exactly do you plan to do that?"

  
"I've already got someone lined up, if you need to know."

  
Ross glares at him.

  
"And the captain? What about the guy who refused to sign the Accords, started a fight in his own team, and went on the run with a international criminal? What will we do with him?!"

  
"Rogers has already given back his shield, if he signs this we put him on probation."

  
"PROBATION?! WE'LL PUT HIM ON PROBATION?!?! DO NOT HEAR YOURSELF STARK?"

  
"Ok, I'm pissed at Rogers too. But don't you realizes that the guy is national icon? Even after all the shit he's done, people still call him a hero! So, if you don't want to public to riot. Give them what they want."

 

 

  
"...What about this part of the Winter Soldier? No prosecution for all those assassinations?! And to add insult you want us to provide him with counseling!"

  
"His name is James Barnes and he is prisoner of war! And after all the shit he's seen, he's going to need some help!"

  
"He murdered 152 people in seventy years! Including your parents!"

  
"That was HYDRA. It was HYDRA that tortured him, brainwashed him, and made him their own personal popsicle. For seventy fucking years! So, yeah I don't necessarily blame him for murdering my parents!" He's seething now.

  
Ross stands up and walks over to Tony, trying to tower over him.

  
"Ok, you listen to me, Stark. This"new" editing of the Accords isn't going to get ratified. You have no power in this situation! You. Are. A. Tool. When we say jump, you ask how high. So don't go thinking that we'd let you even get close to Accords!"

  
Tony glares at him. Now he's pissed.

  
"Who the fuck do you think I am? Hm? I'm not one of your lackeys, ready to obey, to comply! I am Tony Mother Fucking Stark. And if you're not one of my friends, be afraid. I can get dirt on each and everyone of you guys, dirt that'll ruin your career. With a snap of my fingers all your savings, gone. I can make sure you, never get in power again. You think that because you wear a uniform that you can control me?" Tony lets out a snort. "Guess who has a freaking suit of armor. So if so much as try to change a single thing in that packet...well let's just say you'd wish the Solider got to you first."

  
And with he turns around and walks out the room. He know Thor, Bruce, and Rhodey will follow him out.

  
Sure, Tony loved to make a entrance but, god, did he always make exit.

  
><><><><><><

  
It was several days later when he heard that all the countries agreed on the new Accords change. He smirked knowing for now at least he had won the battle.

  
But now came the hard part.

  
"Tony, what are you going to do if the Captain's team sign the Accords?" Rhodey asked.

  
Tony paused with that thought. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think about all them coming back to compound. I mean he still flinched when Thor got to close to him. What would he do with Steve, who he was sure for a moment, meant to kill him.

  
Oh god.

  
He couldn't do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....how was it? I'm hoping you guys liked it cuz I wrote most of this chapter after only sleeping for 45 minutes! I know I'm kinda jumping around with the settings but after the next chapter the setting will be more consistent. Anyway, thanks for reading. Leave me a comment if you got something to say and leave knowing I appreciate you!  
> Also sorry if this is kinda creepy, I post this from my phone and it's hard fixing things.


	6. You've got a choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping you guys like this chapter...there's so many of you guys reading this I'm afraid I'll fuck it up some how and you all will hate me. Anyway this focuses on the Rogue Avengers and their reaction to the new Accords. As always tell me if see or notice anything funky. (And not just Steve's personality)

<Steve>

  
Steve can't help but wonder why T'Challa would call them here.

  
Was it because of Bucky? Had Ross realized where they were? Were they in trouble? Would they have to leave?

  
He started to fidget in his seat. Fear creeping in on him, and he prayed T'Challa would arrive soon.

  
><><><><><><

  
By the time T'Challa finally arrives, Steve had started to shake with anticipation. His thoughts racing even more when he sees the serious look on T'Challa's face.

  
"I have no doubt you are wondering why I have called you all here." T'Challa tells them. "News of changes to the Accords have come to my attention."

  
"Changes? What changes?" Steve asked.

  
"Yeah, are they good changes? Bad changes? Will I be able to see my daughter again?" Scott says excitingly.

  
Hearing his question makes Steve wince. He hated that he caused Scott to fight for him and leave his little girl behind but, Steve reminds himself, sacrifices have to be made for the greater good.

  
T'Challa answering the question brings him back to reality.

  
"It is all surprisingly good. If you sign every single one of you will be pardoned of your crimes. Not only that, the Accords also promise to help Sergeant Barnes..."recover" from his time with HYDRA."

  
"Not to be rude, but isn't that a good thing?" Clint questions.

  
T'Challa quiets for a moment, deep in thought before answering.

  
"It is, but I am sure the person who helped these new Accords come about might... trouble you. Which in turn, might affect your decision to sign the new edit."

  
And with that Steve understands what T'Challa is trying to say.

  
"Who could have so much pull that they could change the Accords, guarantee us pardons, and get Bucky help?" Steve says out loud.

  
The room is silent for a second, everyone thoughts coming to realization.

  
"Stark." Clint growls.

  
The room begins to fill with tension. Faces becoming closed off or angry.

  
"What, does he think if he pardons us we'll forgive him for what he did? Well that's a fucking riot!" Clint bitterly laughs.

  
"No, you know what I think, I think Stark wants us to believe we're in debt to him! Probably thinks we'll return and beg for his forgiveness! Self-righteous rich bastard." Scott interjects.

  
"He'll want to put a leash on me again! He'll keep me in that room again, not letting me leave!" Wanda adds

  
"We wouldn't let him. If he tries anything, we'll protect you." Sam promises.

  
"Wait."

  
Everyone quiets down and turns to stare at Natasha. She's staring at the packet T'Challa holds in his hands.

  
"Shouldn't we properly read the new edit before we start judging Tony."

  
"Yeah right, if Stark could've changed the Accords, why wait till now?" Clint enquires.

  
Natasha turns to him and stares at him like he's an idiot.

  
"I don't think he really had a chance, you know with the bomb going off at the meeting, then the Barnes situation, and then having to deal with the fight at the airport."

  
Again the room is silent but this time it's more stiffly. A few minutes past before Steve finds himself saying something.

  
"That doesn't mean he handled it the right way."

  
Natasha looks like she wants to say something but T'Challa beats her to the punch.

  
"Since you understand who fixed the Accords for you and your team I want each of you to read the new edit. And then you have a choice."

  
"Wait, we have choices? I mean, what even are our choices? Can't we just, you know, stay here?" Scott implores.

  
"No. I've carefully read the new Accords and while the former one might have been a bit restricting, these are fair. I no longer find it fit to hide you with these new Accords."

  
"...You said we had choices....?"

  
"Your first choice is to sign the Accords and return to your country. You are not needed here nor do you anything of importance. You're second is not to sign the Accords but still you will leave this country. I refuse to harbor fugitives in my country and endanger my citizens. Either or, you will leave my country. You decide."

  
Then with all the regal of a king, T'Challa leaves the room. And the rest of them sit in silence.

  
Clint breaks it saying, "I guess we have to read the Accords."

  
><><><><><><

  
Steve hates it.

  
He hates that this was probably Tony's plan to handle the Accords the whole time. He kinda has the urge to destroy a punching bag but T'Challa's gym, unlike the compound, did not have reinforced bags. Instead, Steve paces the room.

  
He's angry.

  
He is so angry. He hates saying it but you know what, fuck Tony. To do this, what does he want from them? Tony, who had blindly attacked Bucky, changes the Accords to pardon them? Who does that?

  
Fuck Tony.

  
Steve wants to scream.

  
It's not fair. Tony doesn't get to do this. Tony doesn't get to try fix them. He doesn't get to act like this would make everything okay.

  
Steve doesn't know what to do.

  
<Clint>

  
Ok, fuck you Tony.

  
Clint wishes he had put a arrow through Tony's armor when he had the chance.

  
Ok, maybe he's misplacing his anger onto Tony. Three weeks ago, Clint had received a packet from Laura.

  
It was divorce papers.

  
She finally got sick of him always running off.

  
And it hurt so much.

  
He remembers their last conversation.

  
_"Where are you going?" Laura sat in the chair looking at Clint, who was trying to sneak off._

  
_"Uh, well, you see, I saw that we were running low on-" Clint starts nervously_

  
_"No! Don't lie to me. When I you came back I told you I wanted nothing but the truth. So you don't get to lie to me, not this time."_

  
_Clint sighs_

  
_"Steve called me. Told me that Tony was creating trouble again. Said he needed my help to recuse Wanda. I can't say no."_

  
_Laura looks angry. "It's not that you can't say no, it's that you don't want to. You just want to play hero! Well, you can't! You can't do this to your family again! If you walk through that door, you don't get to walk back in!"_

  
_"Laura, don't do this to me. You know I love you but this is important too."_

  
_"You don't get use that excuse! You told me you were retired, you promised you would leave it all behind! You promised."_  
_Laura yells at him before putting her head in her hands and starts sobbing._

  
_"Laura..." Clint starts._

  
_"Please Clint, just, please don't leave." Laura looks at him, her face streaked with tears._

  
_"Laura, I...I just can't. Not this time."_

  
_Laura looks at him, face going through so many emotions. Angry, sadness, disappointment, before settling on weariness._

  
_"You know where I stand on this. The ball is in your court."_

  
_Clint hates to, but he turns toward the door, opens it takes a step outside before pausing._

  
_"Laura, I'll come back and fix this. Fix us, I promise." And he leaves._

  
_The last thing he hears before the door closes is, "You'll never gonna be able to fix this. You already had your chance."_

  
Clint wants to fix them, he really does but maybe Laura's right. Maybe he didn't want to say no.

  
**He doesn't want it to be true.**

  
He needed to say yes. Tony was out of line. Someone needed to remind him of his place.

  
We all remember the last time Tony thought something would "help" the world.

  
So maybe his anger isn't misplaced. Maybe Tony does deserve it.

  
If Tony had agreed with Steve then maybe everything wouldn't have gone to shit.

  
And then he wouldn't have left his family,  he wouldn't have gone to the Raft, he would be home, not in some country he only learned of a few weeks ago!

  
And maybe he had chosen the wrong side.

  
But he would never say it out loud because Steve had to be right.

  
If he wasn't....

  
If Steve was wrong, had he just thrown away his family for nothing?

  
Tony needed to be wrong, it was the only way to make sure everything he had done was right.

  
<Natasha>

  
Sometimes she wonders if she made the right choice. The choice to let Bucky and Steve go to Siberia.

  
She's still not sure what happened there but she knows Steve came back without the Shield and Tony went back to the compound hurt (though she doesn't know the full extent).

  
A few weeks back, Tony sent her a message.

  
He knew that they were in Wakanda.

  
And he didn't do anything.

  
To tell the truth, she wasn't surprised that he knew where they were hidden. But the fact he wasn't going to do anything about it... She didn't know if she should worry or be scared.

  
Tony had alot of power. Which means if he wanted he could have half the world's military here in a matter of seconds. But he hadn't...it meant one of two things.

  
One, he no longer cared about them. It would make sense, most of them had turned their backs on him. So Tony cutting off the infected arm before letting it reach the whole body is smart.

  
But she knows Tony (knew, she sure Tony would never trust her again). The chance of that being true...it was small, the latter chance made more sense.

  
He would cut himself off from everyone and everything. Drinking himself stupid, probably not letting himself crying because (she remembers Tony telling her) "Stark men are made of iron".

  
And he would waste away. Because Tony Stark wasn't made of iron.

  
Not even close.

  
Tony, who cared to much. Who acted like he was better than them, but really he was scared he wouldn't be able to keep up with them. Tony who lived in fear of betrayal, it made sense, really.

  
And look at what they end up doing.

  
He would be devastated.

  
He would self-destruct.

  
And who would save him?

  
Because the rest of them, didn't have the right. Even if they wanted to, would Tony let himself open up to them? After all they've done?

  
But now look, he had fixed the Accords! He had gone out of his way to help them. And the things he had done...they were amazing.

  
Proper training for Maximoff, therapy for Barnes, pardons for the rest of them. The worst punishment was for Steve. And even then he would only be on probation.

  
Tony was good man. And none of them saw it.

  
But she did.

  
And she would find a way to make up for hers and their mistakes.

  
<James>

  
It's cold.

  
He hates the cold.

  
The last thing he remembers is his handler putting him into the freezing tube.

  
No.

  
Wait.

  
That was wrong.

 

He had decided to go into stasis. It was a decision he made himself.

Why would he want to do that? Too many memories of before, when HYDRA would put him in the tube. Of waking up and being forced into the chair.

Wait.

Why was he able to think? He shouldn't be able, unless-

No.

Nonononono.

Why was he waking up? Who was waking him up? Oh god, please don't let it be HYDRA. Not another mission.

He was getting warmer and warmer. He didn't want to open his eyes. But then he heard a voice.

"-cky, Bucky, can you hear me. Bucky?" That voice it was familiar.

Who was it?

He searched deep into his head, trying to find the owner of the voice.

St...Stephen? Ste...Steve...Stevie!

Stevie was here.

Why was Stevie here?

And then he remembered everything. He wasn't safe.

"...Why?"

"Bucky!"

"Why Steve, why would you wake me up?" He hadn't wanted to wake up for a long time.

"Bucky, I think we found a way to help you."

His eyes snap open. He almost winces from the light.

"How?"

Steve's quiet for a moment.

"We have to go back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....you like? I know Natasha kinda betrayed Tony but I think it was mainly cuz she did think the other Soldiers were to dangerous to let be free, she didn't know Zemo plan and she sure as hell didn't think Steve/Bucky & Tony would fight. As you can see the Rogues have decided to return and of course they still blame Tony. That's going be the cause of lots of clashing next chapter...  
> Anyway hope you give me kudos and leave a comment cuz they make me smile ✌


	7. Steve, go fuck yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this might be crappy. I didn't have enough time to send this to my friend and so it's not edited! It will be edit by Tuesday probably so yeah, don't judge to much, Kay. Also might be a lot more cuss words than normal because I have zero filter when it comes to that shit, and my friend usually takes most of them out...I hope you guys like this....I'm not sure I like Steve's POV that much, but next time I'll add more. Please tell about mistakes, thanks for reading! Enjoy!

<Steve>

It's quiet on the Quinjet.

Everybody's tense, almost as if preparing for a battle that's already been lost.

Nobody knows what to expect from Tony. Is this a trick to get them out of Wakanda? Will they be meet with guns? Will Tony keep his word of getting their pardons? But most importantly, what will happen next?

Steve spends a good part of the flight clenching and unclenching his hands. Bucky sits next to him, staring blankly at the ceiling, Clint is nervously passing his arrow between his hands. Sam stands at ease, but prepared for an attack and Wanda watches Clint as he messes around with his arrows, while Natasha is in the cockpit no doubt fingering one of her knives. The only person on the Quinjet, who looks even remotely relaxed would be Scott, who at some point fell asleep and is now snoring.

"So, are we gonna talk about if Tony decides to attacks?" Clint asks "Cuz I would like to be prepared, you know?"

Steve shuts his eyes, why hadn't he thought of that before. Tony was probably still pissed about The Soldier killing his parents. If Tony attacked them while they were getting off the jet would they be able to defend themselves?

"We'll exit the jet by twos, Natasha first because she might be able to talk some sense into Tony." Yeah, he hadn't forgotten who she sided with first (and probably still did by the way she reacted with the new Accords).

"Bucky and I can go last." Maybe they could sneak away before Tony saw them and turned his repulsors on Bucky.

That would not go well for anyone.

Steve slowly opens his eyes, glancing at everyone here and he makes a decision.

"If Tony attacks...do what you need to do to stop him."

The compartment is soon filled with all it's members nodding.

A voice, not FRIDAY, is heard overhead. "Destination will be be reached in T-minus 3 minutes and 45 seconds, prepare for landing."

Everybody is filled with tension again, but someone does shake Scott awake.

They'll find out the truth soon.

><><><><><><

Tony isn't even out there when they land. But the people who stand in his place shock him.

Well, maybe not Rhodey but when did Thor and Bruce get back? Why were they with Tony?

"I can clearly see Stark isn't man to face the people he wronged. Hiding somewhere he can lick his wounds?" Clint cruelly states.

Rhodey glares at him, clearly unimpressed.

"Actually he was suppose to be here, but if I was him I wouldn't want to see your fugly faces either."

Clint growls. "Piss off, Iron Patriot."

Steve interrupts before it escalates. "We want to thank you for letting us come back to compound and the new Accords, Rhodey."

Now Rhodey turns his glare toward him. "Ok, listen up you dumb fuck." Steve winces "Don't call me Rhodey, only friends get to do that. It's Colonel Rhodes or Rhodes, call me anything else I'll cut off your damn balls. Also if it was up to me you wouldn't be back here, slumming it up. I'd leave in you in the streets to rot, thank god Tony ain't as heartless as me-" Scott snorts at this. "And also, if you think for a second you can just walk over Tony-"

"You're wrong." Bruce finishes for him.

The team stares at him shocked.

"Bruce, I'm not sure what Tony told you but-"

"Don't worry, Tony told me everything you didn't."

Steve flinches. "I can explain."

Thor speaks now. "Yes, Son of Rogers, please explain how you were 'sparring' yourself."

Well, Tony told them about the letter...why didn't he ever call? Especially about the new Accords.

But before he could explain himself, the roof door opened.

And Tony walked out.

But could this really be Tony? The Tony he remembers walked a certain way, oozing confidence and arrogance. His eyes filled with mischief and hands full of something he had been tinkering with. But this Tony...

This Tony...his eyes were dead, Steve almost shivered, comparing them to the Solider's on the helicarrier.

Tony blinked slowly, like his was trying to focus on something before looking at them.

God those eyes.

"Wait...that was today?" He asks turning towards Rhodey (no it's Rhodes now).

Rhodes nods, smiling sadly.

Tony turns toward them again.

"Nope, no fucking way can I deal with this without being drunk, nope!" Tony turns to leave.

"Tony..." Steve finds himself saying.

Tony freezes and hunches his shoulder. "What do want...Rogers."

No nicknames. Why did that hurt more than it should? (probably cuz it meant their friendship was alot more broken than he realized).

"...Thank you...for everything...it means alot."

Tony turns toward them again but this time takes a few cautious (when was Tony ever cautious) steps towards them.

"It wasn't for you."

Steve is confused, "Then why..."

Tony lifts his dead eyes towards them before smiling. "Cuz not everyone who was hurt was on your team!"

Ok, he could understand but he wondered who else was affected. But Tony interrupts his thoughts.

"And by the way...Barnes?"

The whole team tenses. This is what they were preparing for, but could they win this against the Hulk and Thor. Maybe Natasha could distract the Hulk and Wanda, Thor. Even if they had a few minutes Steve could get Bucky far enough-

"I forgive you."

What. The. Hell.

He knows he's not the only one staring at Tony with shock.

But this time it's Bucky who speaks. "I don't think I deserve it, you...you shouldn't forgive me after what I did..."

"Yeah, that's true but it not like you metaphorically ripped my heart, you only killed my mother." Tony tells him while grinning like a maniac.

"Wait, who killed your mother?" Sam asks

The silence is deafening.

Tony towards to him.

"You've got to fucking kidding me, Rogers! Why the hell didn't you say anything? What did you tell them happened at Siberia? No, don't answer I don't want to listen to anymore of your bullshit."

Even Bucky looks at him shocked.

"Tony if you could just-"

"No, cut the crap. Again you knew something and chose to keep it to yourself."

"Steve, what the hell is he talking about?" Clint asks him, voice shaking slightly.

"Whatever is, should we really be doubting the Captain when it involves Stark." Wanda tells him.

"Ok, I'm done with this shit. If you guys want to accuse me before hearing the whole story, go right ahead! If you think I care you're wrong!" Tony yells at them.

He starts to run his hand through hair.

"Look, I'm not going to fight with you guys. If you guys want to live here, go ahead just stay out of my way and obey the Accords and this arrangement will be great."

He turns around and walks back to the door, opening he stops. Looking over his shoulder, he says "And Barnes, if you ever need a new arm just go to the 'shop but, please, leave the Gang at the door."

And he walks away.

"Steve, I think you should tell us what's going on." Sam tells him while clasping his shoulder.

"Yeah, Captain, tell 'em." Rhodey (Rhodes) sneers.

"...."

<James>

Mr. Stark (Tony?) forgives him. How is that possible.

He remembers the way he was in the bunker. God, his fury came close to that of the Winter Soldier's.  Of course going after two super soldier showed no chance of winning. But still if it had only been against one of them...

Bucky (James? The Asset? Soldier?) didn't want to think about it.

And yet, Stark (Tony?) still forgave him. Who was this man? This man who got the others pardons for fighting against him. This man who offered him and the others a place to live. This man, who not only forgave him, but then offered to build him a new arm.

What man, in the right mind, does that?

The answer could be only be Stark.

Or maybe this was a trick.

It would make sense, with the way the others talked about him. This could be Stark's way of getting him alone. To kill him.

And Bucky (James? Barnes? The Asset?) wouldn't fight, when Stark (Tony?) did it.

Because someone had to. Someone needed to realize how dangerous he was. To finally take him out.

And if it was Tony Stark...

Well that would be Karma being a true bitch.

><><><><><><

It was two days after him and the others have arrived. He was sitting in kitchen with Steve (Stevie) and Sam (bird idiot).

"When do you think they'll let you back on the field, no doubt we'll be needing you."

"I don't really know, we'll just have to wait until Ross is happy."

"What about Stark? I mean he won't be too happ-"

The Doctor has entered the room and the others stare uneasily at him. He eyes slowly rake over them.

Was it just him or were those eyes seemingly changing from brown to green.

"I guess you guys don't know that Tony gave up Ironman."

"Wait...what?"

Looks like Steve did not know.

"Yeah, after everything I don't think he could go back. Him finding out you can't even trust your heroes."

This man was passive aggressive. You could clearly tell he was angry, but the way he spoke revealed nothing. Through his words were like the arrows Hawk(guy? it's something like that) shot.

He should precede with caution with this one.

"Right now, I'm pretty sure he's training someone to take his place..."

Steve eyes are like saucers.

"I didn't know...I didn't think tha-"

"Yeah, you didn't think." He walks out with that one liner hanging in the air.

It's silent for a few minutes. In that time Bucky (Barnes? James?) made a decision.

"I'm going to talk to Stark about making the arm."

"Bucky! It's dangerous! We don't know if we can trust Tony yet! Why don't you wait until -"

"No."

"Bucky, he's right. You should wait."

"You guys told me I should start making my own decisions. And this is my decision."

"But Bucky...aren't you worried? It's  Tony."

"I trust Tony." To do something you'll never be able to do he leaves unsaid.

"Bucky...I just want to be ok." Steve looks at him, puppy dog eyes in full force.

"Yeah, Steve and getting a new arm will help with that."

"...Ok Bucky, I trust you."

><><><><><><

He's outside Stark's door. He mentally preparing himself, he's not sure if Stark will make him suffer before he does the deed.

Despite the fact that he is about to die, Bucky isn't scared, not really. If anything he's glad, no more people will suffer because of him. Not only that Stark will get the revenge he deserves and after he's gone him and Steve might be able to reconcile.

Yeah, it will all get better once he's gone. He knocks at the door, waiting for Stark.

The door opens, but no one is behind.

So it begins. (He'll at least have to act as if he's putting up a fight)

><><><

There was no fight. No bullet waiting to be lodge in his skull. No angry Stark wanting to avenge his mom.

There was nothing.

Well, there was something but not what he excepted.

All he saw was Stark working on a desk of some sort. The smell of alcohol hung in the air.

"Yo, get over here. I'm going to need to take measurement of your regular arm, then I need some scans of your brain, and then we might even be able to start making a model."

Stark turns his head to him.

"How do you feel about that?"

"You don't want to kill me." Bucky blurts out.

Stark stares at him like he's child.

"Uh, yeah thought it was clear. You know, with me saying I forgive you and offering to build you a new arm."

"...yes."

"Wait, you came here thinking I was going to kill you. And you still came here...god, you must be a special kind of stupid."

Bucky has the sudden urge to punch Stark in the arm...

"Sorry?"

"No, no, don't apologize! I mean you have your reason and I'm not blasting you for it...but just confused..."

Now Stark moves his body to face Bucky completely.

"Did you come here to die? Did you want me to kill you? Dude, what the hell!"

Bucky flinches.

"I don't deserve to live after everything I've done. I've killed so many...my life for theirs."

"Yeah, no as someone told me a long time ago when I was feeling shitty about all the deaths I've caused 'Is that what you wish the legacy of the great James 'Bucky' Barnes to be."

Bucky can't help but stare at Stark shocked. So apparently Stark was that man. The man who might not be in right mind.

And that caused some confusion for Bucky (James?)...and maybe he ignored the warm feeling creeping up on him because Stark hadn't killed him.

<Tony>

The bastards were back. And, oh god, he remembered why he wasn't 'teamwork material'. He also remembered why getting drunk was the answer to everything.

And that was why at 3 o'clock in the morning he was downing some awesome MacAllan (he finished one bottle already)

Jesus Christ, who the fuck did they think they were! Coming back, acting like he owed them! Could they be more self-centered. You know what? Fuck them.

Except Nat-a-tat, she was trying. The first thing she did when she came back was apologize to him. Like, that was so sweet of her. And she's not suppose to be sweet. She's the Black Widow, man! Why is she called the Black Widow when she has red hair. That doesn't make alot sense.

His thoughts didn't make alot of sense.

That was good! It meant he was getting drunk! Yay, drunk Tony was fun Tony! Except last time. Crying is not fun.

Wait, no, bad thoughts, bad, bad thoughts. Stop getting away from him. He was suppose to be thinking about....thinking about...about...oh yeah! The fuckers!

Yay, they were jerks. Barton the ugly bastard "accidentally" got hot sauce in his coffee! How is that an accident! And then Rhodey Rhode found out about, he blew up at Barton. Which in turn got Lang involved. Who did that fucker think he was, anyway? No for real, who was he?

Anyway, than Nat Attack got involved and of course this slowly lead to everyone else getting involved. A mini fight happened and that Wilson guy found out about it. He told Captain Jerkface.

And you know what he did?

He got mad at Tony. Like for fucking real, said some stupid shit like "If you didn't act so haughty to the team , this wouldn't have happened." or "One of Clint's bows got broken, fix it." or, his favorite, "Something tells me Clint didn't do this unprovoked."

And that, my friend, was why Tony was drowning himself in the bottle.

It couldn't get worse than this.

And with that Tony started singing his favorite drunken Sailor song.

><><><><><><

It can always get worse. Much, much worse.

The universe must really hate him, huh.

Barnes came down to talk to him. Tony did not want to deal with this right now. He was more hungover that the movie The Hangover.

Fuck his life. You know what, fuck the world while you're at it at.

Wait, was Barnes talking to him? Yes he was, Tony should listen.

"Can you repeat that"

Barnes looks at him before nodding. "Steve wants to know when the arm will be done. So I was wondering if you could give an idea...?"

Oh, this is so funny, the Winter Soldier (aka the one who killed his mom) is looking at him so...insecurely.

Maybe if Tony didn't hate him so much he could say it was adorable. Kind of like a puppy.

Aaaaand there was something wrong with Tony.

"-ark, Stark, Stark?"

How was he here having a semi-mini conversation with the Winter Soldier and he hasn't killed him yet.

"Stark? Are, uh, you there?"

"Tell him three weeks." That was a lie. At most it would take one and half weeks but he just wanted Steve to have a real reason to be angry at him.

"Ok, thanks, I'll go tell him." And Barnes goes and leaves him.

Oh wait.

Did he just tell the Winter Soldier he'd be working on his arm for three weeks.

Nonononono.

Yeah, maybe he had forgiven Barnes but still, how do you trust someone who doesn't even trust themselves.

First time Barnes met with him to work on his arm, Barnes thought Tony was going to kill him.

And yet he still came!

Nope, one suicidal brain is all this compound could handle. And that was already taken by yours truly. Nope he should go call Barnes back, tell him the truth.

Except.

Steve would be pissed off. And when the Soldier was around Tony didn't really have to think. The only thing he would have to do was make a working arm for three weeks. That was three weeks of 'not purposely but need to get work done' avoiding people, three weeks he could work himself to the bone and not worry about how fast he could fell asleep, three weeks of building something for someone other than himself.

But it was also three weeks he would spend with his mother's killer.

This clearly was not a win/win situation.

.

.

.

Fuck it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST SO YOU KNOW: The Winter Soldier and James Barnes aren't split personalities in this one, Tony is just have a hard time pulling them apart.
> 
> Also I was kind thinking I would just change the main endgame to Winteriron. When I first posted this story I didn't know which one to put so I put all the ones I would likely chose but now I'm feeling more like a Winteriron. Would you guys like that? Or did you want something else? I want to hear from you guys.
> 
> Finally fun story: Last weekend me and my brother were having a talk about all things Marvel. He told he had had a dream about all the Avengers being in Wizard of Oz. After I finished laughing we started talking about who would play who, read below.
> 
> Dorothy: Steve  
> Toto(or whatever the dog's name is): Sam or Bucky  
> Wicked Witch of the West (the one with flying monkeys): Wanda  
> The Great Wizard: Tony
> 
> Of course this was just our opinions, what do you guys think? Tell me in the comments!
> 
> Thanks for reading. ✌


	8. Put a gun to my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and I'm sorry. Like the last chapter, this one isn't edited. Please don't judge too harshly! Anyway I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

<James>

  
He's not sure how he feels about his "team mates". Most of them call him "friend" and promise they trust him, but yet they still watch his every move.

Is that how friends treat each other in these days?

Of course he knows most of them are here because of Captain America (not Steve, none of them are here because of Stevie) asked them.

All of them are in the kitchen right now. He's sitting at the table watching them.

Maybe it's not just him, this whole team seems filled with tension.

The Hawkguy (still can't remember what he called himself) stares at the Witch uneasily (so would he, she joined HYDRA willingly) when she uses her power to get something from the cardboard. While the Widow outright glares at Antman as he turns his music up (it sounds like loud screaming).

None of them trust the other. How is this a team? Can they even call it that?

He remembers them in battle, they fought well but they didn't fight as a team. The only reason why Steve and him had been able to get to Siberia was because the Widow let them.

He can't help but think about Stark's team. Were they having the same problems? How many of them fought because Tony asked and how many fought for Ironman?

He remembers very little about the Howling Commandos but from the reels he had watched, they were a team.

He wonders how "The Avengers"  get anything done.

"Ok, but listen, three days in Fiji. You get the rest you need and I can finish those prototypes for Operation Let's Get Rhodey Walking Again." A voice (Stark) interrupts his thoughts.

"Remind me again why I let you name things..." Another one (Rhodes?) jokes.

The two of them walk (Rhodes wheels) into the kitchen and stop, staring at the others.

He doesn't know how, but it seems the kitchen is filled with more tension. The Witch, Hawk, and the Ant openly glare at Stark and Rhodes, while Colonel Rhodes glares back unflinching, Stark tries to look somewhere else but his eyes land on the Widow who looks like she wants to run.

Stark takes a deep breath before walking further into the room, going to the fridge. Bucky (Asset? James?) sure the others can  him mumble but don't actually hear him say "Too sober for this shit."

"What Stark, to good to talk to us?" Hawk mocks Stark.

Stark turns to him, face void of emotion.

"I'm to sober to deal with this, is what I said."

"Murderer and a Drunkard, Stark, you're a menace." The Witch spits, while glaring at him.

"Ok, enough. Tony is letting you live here and got you all pardons, you don't get to insult him." The Colonel tells them, his voice raising.

And with that line, Steve walks in. Silence reigns in the kitchen.

Him and Tony have a stare down, before Tony loudly announces "Nope." and heads to the cabinet. He pulls out a bottle, opens it, and chugs.

The rest of them can only stare (Colonel Rhodes sighs) as Tony drinks.

Finally Tony stops, head hanging low. "Couldn't make it one day...one day without a drink. Fuck my life." He mutters.

"Tony," The commanding voice of Captain America (not Steve, Steve doesn't sound like that) "do you think it's smart to be drinking. Stop acting like a child and talk to us. Why do you keep doing this?"

Tony lifts his eyebrow up, acting impressed. "Are you really that slow! I haven't been sober since Siberia! You wanna know why?" He yells. "I drink myself stupid because the only thing I can remember is someone who I thought was my friend trying to FUCKING KILL ME!"

The Hawk scoffs "Stop being melodramatic, Stark."

At the same time Steve says. "Well, if you hadn't tried to hurt Bucky, I wouldn't have had to defend him."

Tony takes another chug, longer now, before taking a breath and closing his eyes. "You can't even act like you're sorry. Why did I expect anything else?" Opening his eyes, Bucky (James? Winter Soldier?) can see his eyes hold hidden pain.

Could this be a broken man?

"Sorry? Why would I-we both did things we regretted. I don't see th-"

"I still want to have the star." Bucky interrupts.

Everyone stares at him now, even the Colonel who had looked seconds away from punching Steve.

"Buck, what?"

Bucky (Asset?) looks at Steve unimpressed. "The arm. I want to keep the star."

Steve looks shocked before letting out a shaky breath. "Bucky, no, you don't have to do that."

He looks at Steve "Steve, you said I had a choice. You told me nobody would take it away from me, were you lying to me?"

Steve freezes up, before looking around the kitchen shaken.

"N-no, it's just, I thought, after everything, you wouldn't want it again." He nervously explains.

"The star, is a reminder of all the shit I've done I need to redeem it, do you get that, Stevie?"

Steve nods his head, but Bucky knows he doesn't. Captain America has a blank sheet when it comes to things he needs to atone for (except maybe that thing with Stark, he should have at least told him what happened with Howard).

Bucky turns to Stark. "Can w-can you do that?"

Stark looks shocked but nods his head. "Uh, yeah the arm isn't done but when it is just say the word and whatever you want on it, you can have it."

Bucky can't help the small smile that creeps up on his face. "Thank you."

Stark takes a second to stare at him. "No problem."

Hawk ruins everything. "You don't need to ask," turns to glare at Stark. "he blew your arm off. Anything you ask for he, damn well, will provide. It's the least of what he could do after all the shit he put us through."

"And this where I leave to get drunk without interruption. Bye." Tony turns and leaves the kitchen like there's fire at his heels.

The Colonel looks at them, but says nothing choosing instead to shake his head disapprovingly and wheels himself out.

"The nerve of a Stark is amazing." The Ant says. And while the others (minus Widow who walked out) continue to bash Stark.

"Buck, are you sure about the star, if someone said something I will talk to them. You don't have to redeem the star."

"Yeah, Steve I do." and with that Bucky (Buck?) leaves the kitchen.

><><><><><><

Hours later after Bucky (James? Asset?) has spent most of it wondering the halls of the compound, he realizes he might be late to Stark's workshop. They had a set time of when Bucky (Barnes?) could have his arm worked on.

Bucky finds himself walking quickly to the lab. Thoughts swirling through his head. Would Stark be drunk, like he had promised? Would Stark even want to see him with the way his "team" acted? Would Stark be angry about Bucky choice to keep the star? That star was there when he killed his mother.

Bucky stops.

Would it be smart to go today?

Bucky chooses to continue. Stark said he wouldn't kill Bucky and Bucky trusts him.

And when did that happen? When did he start trusting the man who should want him dead.

  
<Tony>

  
He's buzzed.

Not drunk, but not not drunk.

He can't be completely shitfaced because he still has to work on the Soldier's arm, which reminds him. Did Barnes save him today? He had interrupted Steve, who looked like he would go into reason why he shouldn't apologize and why he wasn't wrong. And then, the ugly bastard manipulated Steve about the star! Was this guy alot more aware than he let on? Should Tony be worried?

Nope, reality sucked, another swig from the bottle.

He's to old for, isn't he? Maybe he could move back to the tower...

"Boss, Sergeant Barnes is coming to the workshop. Do you want me to let him in when he arrives?"

"...Sure FRIDAY, let him in." Before he mutters "Speak of the Devil and the Devil shall appear."

Few minutes later, Barnes walks in.

"Ok, so, today we can get the final measurements in, start up a simulation, and chose what you want the arm to be made of. How's that for you?"

Barnes nods. "I can do that."

Man of few words. Tony loves it.

><><><

It's when they choosing the material for the arm Barnes says something.

"Did the team fight for you or Ironman?"

Tony looks at him confused. "Uh, what?"

"Your team, who were they fighting for?"

"....themselves?"

"No, why were they there? For Tony or Ironman?"

"I'm not understanding the question."

The Soldier huffs. "Who did your team fight for?"

He stares at him, "My team fought for themselves."

Barnes looks at him confused. "I don't  get it...didn't they come because you called them?"

"No, I mean other than the kid, everyone was fighting for something for themselves."

"...maybe that's why it's different."

"What is?" Tony can't help but ask.

"Stev- Captain America's team, they didn't fight for themselves but rather because Captain America asked them. And maybe that's why they have trouble being a team."

"Yeah, that might be true. You didn't join the Howling Commandos because Rogers asked you, right?" Oh, great he's having a actually conversation with a murderer.

"No....I think I joined cuz...I think I wanted to protect Stevie." Barnes looks confused as he says this. " Least that's what I remember."

"So, what brought this up?"

"Just something I couldn't get out of my head."

Tony stares at Barnes, while pressing his lips together. "Well, ok, that's cool. Random, but cool...."

The workshop is silent once more.

"Do you think they fought for their own reasons?"

Tony sighs annoyed "Sure, maybe they did."

"But, why would the Hawk decide to fight? From what I've heard he was retired and had a couple kids."

"Wait, wait hold on. The Hawk? Who's the Hawk? Do you mean Hawkeye?"

Barnes looks embarrassed "I wasn't sure about his name...so I call him the Hawk."

Tony pauses to think, before continuing "What did you think his name?"

Barnes mumbles something.

"What, I couldn't hear you. Say it again."

"Hawkguy. I thought it was Hawkguy." Bucky ashamedly admits.

Tony has to bit his lip to keep laughing. "...You thought it was Hawkguy?"

Barnes mumbles defeatedly "It's not my fault. They sound very similar..."

Tony can't help it and let's the smile grow on his face. Even a laugh escapes from his mouth.

Barnes stares at him.

 Tony stops smiling and raises his eyebrow. "What?" He snaps.

"It's just that...I don't think I've seen you laugh or smile..."

Tony let's out a sigh. "There's not much to smile about."

Barnes nods his head slowly.

Tony turns back to the screens. "Ok, so I'm thinking 50% Vibranium, 20% Lithium, and 30% Nitinol. That will give you a nice flexible arm, while making it light but also strong. Anything else you want to add?"

Barnes shakes his head. (good, he's back to not talking.)

"Well, that's all I got for you today. The exit is on your right. See you tomorrow."  
Tony pushes his chair, wheeling to another screen.

He hears Barnes leave but doesn't turn to watch him.

"Yo, Fri let's get this simulation up and running."

"Got it, Boss."

Tony watches the screens.

><><><

"Boss, just a warning, Captain Rogers is in route to the lab."

Tony sighs "Fuck my life."

He debates whether he should put the lab on lockdown. Before deciding not. "Let's get this over quickly."

Rogers walks in.

"Tony."

"Rogers. I would prefer it if you called me Stark. You lost the privilege to call me anything else." He's going to be all business.

"...Stark." Rogers says slowly. "We need to talk."

"No, I thought you came in here so we could paint." Tony says, rolling his eyes.

"See, this right here is a problem. You're not being serious. How can we be a team if you keep acting like this!"

"Me! First off, I'm not even part of this team! If you haven't heard I quit Ironman. Secondly, what about your team? Every moment they can, they insult me. What are you doing about that?"

"Ton-Stark give them some space, you did send them to the Raft."

"I didn't send them to the Raft! I tried stopping it before it got that far! And when they did get sent there, by Ross not me, I was doing everything in my power to get them out. Before you pulled a dick move, and caused a prison break!! Do you know how hard it was getting the Accords to cover that?" Tony tells him. "Also, why the hell do you expect me to give them time but I'm suppose to forgive and forget  like that! Double standards, much?"

Rogers sighs. "You're the older one. You're suppose to be training them."

Tony lets out a aggregated scream. "That's your reason? That's bullshit! I'm only human! How the hell am I suppose to forgive someone who dropped a pile of cars on me! How do I forgive someone who lied to me. HOW DO I FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO TRIED TO KILL ME!"

"I apologized."

Tony stares at him. "Get out."

"Star-"

"Get the hell out!" Tony points to the door.

"Just listen, for a mome-"

"I will shot you if you don't get out right now."

"You wouldn-"

He activates the glove, holding it toward Rogers. "You got until the count of five. 1-2-3..."

Rogers left, sprinting almost.

Tony lets out a sigh "FRIDAY, go into lockdown mode. No override codes accepted."

"...Yes, Boss."

Tony grabs the bottle and starts chugging.

"I hate them all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....? You likey? Ok, so yes, Team Cap are being jerks but they will see the error of their way very soon! Captain isn't trying to be a ass (though he is) it's just that people like him have a hard time admitting they're wrong. Next chapter will have a assemble moment and somebody gets stuck with bomb! Gasp! Who will it be? ✌


	9. Pull the trigger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about going MIA. For awhile I had writers block and then I lost my phone that had everything on it including the outline for this story. I managed to get my phone back, so yay! And you guys got a new chapter, which I'm not going to lie I wrote in a single night. So you notice anything tell me. Also in the last chapter I said there would be a bomb I scraped that because there was no way I could add it without disrupting the story. Anyway hope you like this chapter, please continue reading.  
> •  
> •  
> I'm an idiot. Like I said I wrote this in entire night with no sleep. So when I posted this I was half asleep. Which leads me to my next comment➡ THERE IS A BOMB SCENE I completely forgot about it until I was taking my shower so ignore the early comment.

<Scott>

  
There were a few things Scott was sure about: Tony Stark was a ass, Captain America was a celebrated hero, and the Compound was a prison of some sort.

After signing the Accords the returning Avengers were expected to stay in the compound, unless there was a call to assemble, for a whole year without leaving.

Scott couldn't go home and see his daughter, couldn't go down the street to get a fucking burger from McDonald's.

Sure Stark pardoned them but then just stuck them in another prison.

Rich bastard.

Of course Stark kinda does deserve to be angry, you know, with Bucky killing his parents and the Captain lying to him about it (so Steve isn't as clean cut as he imagined, sue him). Doesn't mean you shot off a guy's arm (even if its' bionic).

Even more Stark caused alot of his own problems himself, for example the Accords wouldn't have been needed if a certain AI murder bot wasn't created by a certain genius. Or at least that's what Clint (he was on first name basis with THE Hawkeye, cue fangi- fanboy attack) told him and he believed his new team (he was apart of the Avengers, someone pinch him).

When he told Hope about this she had a very different opinion.

And didn't hesitate to tell him.

"Your team," she spat. "is completely wrong about Tony."

"Ok, whoa, wait, wait, when were you ever on first name basis with Stark. Also how would you know, you've never met the guy, you and Hank hate him, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember my dad having issues with the Starks but when have I ever agreed with him. If you haven't forgotten me and him only recently got on the same page. One of the many things me and Tony shared."

"Not liking Hank?" Scott is kinda confused right now.

"No, our similar problems with our fathers."

"So, wait, you're telling me that you and Stark bonded over having Daddy issues."

"Only you would put it in a vulgar way." Hope groans.

"But, I though-I fough- why didn- you're telli-" Scott feels like he can't completely a sentence but finally manages "This doesn't change anything. You might be friends with him but he sure as hell ain't my friend."

"And Captain America is?"

"Y-Yes. He got me out of the RAFT and let me stay in Wakanda with the team." Scott sputters.

"You wouldn't have been in the RAFT in the first place if he hadn't called you-"

"Well it was Sa-"

"And it was King T'Challa that let you stay in Wakanda. Or did you forget that too?" Hope speaks over him."

"But the Accords weren't right. And Steve didn't trust them to help Barnes."

"DID YOU EVEN READ THE ACCORDS BEFORE YOU GOT INVOLVED?"

"...."

"Answer the question, Lang."

Oh, she's using his last name. Fuck she's pissed.

"No."

"So you thought because Captain America said it was wrong that he was right?"

"Well, yes? I mean, come on, Captain America! The man who was known to be perfection in 40s. How could he be wrong?"

"Yeah he was perfection in 1940s. Decades have passed and times have changed. It is no longer the 1940s."

"But why would Captain America keep fighting against them if they wasn't something wrong with?"

"Scott, listen to me, a man who is used to always being right can never admit when he's wrong but a man who's always been wrong only wants to prove he's right."

"Wow Hope, are you my Yoda? No wait I mean, my Yoda are you?" Scott jokes.

"Scott...be serious."

"I am. But Hope, Tony isn't completely innocent in this either. I mean do I even have to tell you what happened in Siberia?"

"What happened in Siberia? Scott, do you know what happened in Siberia?"

"Yeah, I do. Stark found out that Barnes killed his parents, threw a temper tantrum even though it happened 25 years ago, and then blew off Bucky's arm and attacked him and Steve."

"Jesus Christ what shit have they been feeding you there? Scott, I'm going to send you a video and I need to yo-"

SCEEEEECCCCHHHH WEEEEE EEOEEOEE

Holy fuck, that was the Avengers alarm!

"Sorry Hope, gotta go duty calls."

"Don't do anything stupid." Is the last thing he hears before he hangs up.

And he suits up.

><><><><><><

Doombots have invaded New York! He's pretty sure that will be tomorrow's headlines.

Fucking Doombots.

He hates them with a passion and it isn't long before Scott gets impatient and decides to go big swatting them like pesky flies.

"How do we turn these things off." He hears Clint whine.

"Just keep attacking them, Vision is hacking into their network right now." Rhodes tell him.

Clint grumbles something but continues letting his arrows fly.

"I think I might have found the thing controlling them, I can shut them off." Wanda shouts gleefully.

"Wait, we have no clue if it really shut them down. DON'T TOUCH IT WITHOUT HELP."

Rhodes says at the same time Clint says.

"DO IT. Shut them off!"

Scott guesses she listens to Clint. The next thing he hears sends him into a cold sweat.

"I thought it would deactivate them but I think I just activated a bomb." Wanda whispers shocked.

"Fuck, shit, this is why you listen to me. How much time do we have." Rhodes says

"45 seconds and counting."

"Antman I need you get to Scarlet Witch right now and fling whatever machine she has into the air. Get there now!" Rhodes commands.

"Understood." Scott starts thundering he way to Wanda.

"35 seconds."

"30 seconds."

"25 seconds."

He should've found out where she was before he started running around like a giant chicken with it's head cut off.

But he finally finds her.

At 19 seconds.

"Scott don't just throw it right away. If you throw it up too early it will come down and explode in the city." Rhodes tells him

Scott wants to weep. Throw it too early people die, throw it too late people, including him die, he has to be fucking perfect.

It's at 8 seconds Rhodes screams "NOW!"

Scott doesn't think and just does. It gets pretty high before it detonates.

Thank god for small miracles.

Moments later he hears Vision say "I have deactivated all bots."

And the bots fall to the ground still.

Is weird he wants to kiss the Android (A/N I still have no clue what Vision is) because he does.

"Good job, Vision."

"You're welcome Colonel Rhodey."

Scott shrinks. God, if he stays big too long he gets a headache.

Fuck everything.

"Everyone back to compound for a debrief."

Nobody diagrees.

"And Witch, when we get back to compound, me and you are going to have a important about following orders." Rhodes growls.

><><><><><><

He hates debriefing as much as the next guy. What was the point of them in the first place?

Maybe Tony Stark invented them to torture him.

Speaking of which, didn't Hope send him a video of something to do with Stark? She wanted him to watch it.

Should he really watch something with Stark in it? If said man found out no doubt his ego would swell to the point he might be mistaken as pregnant.

Scott debates a decision and goes to his room to look for the email.

Hope kept true to her promise and sent the video.

To watch or to not watch, that is question.

He clicks the link and is lead to video titled CAPTAIN AMERICA & BUCKY BARNES BEAT UP IRONMAN/TONY STARK.

Wait.

What.

No.

You've got to kidding him.

  
<Clint>

  
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME." Scott comes roaring into the living room. He glares at Steve. "You didn't tell the whole story, Captain."

Steve looks confused. "What is this about?"

"Siberia."

That one word makes Steve freeze. "What did Tony say now."

"It's not what he said." Scott reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone playing a video. "It's what you didn't."

It's a video of Bucky and Steve tag teaming Stark.

And, fuck, it looks bad. Like Stark must be one stubborn motherfucker for not giving up right away.

"This is video on YouTube. It shows what really happened at Siberia. The way you explained you made it seem alot more better than it was." Scott snarls. "But, hey, guess it's not the first time you withhold important information from your teammates."

Steve flinches. "Scott if you would just listen."

"LISTEN! Listening to you got me thrown in the RAFT, forced to live in foreign country for months, and locked down in the compound unable to see my daughter."

"Sometimes for the greater good there has to be sacrifices."

Clint can't help but stare at Steve in wonder.

"That's some Grade-A bullshit. What did you sacrifice during this "Civil War". I left my daughter, MY DAUGHTER! I disobeyed my parole and I lost the trust of some very important people to me. What did you lose."

Steve is quiet for a second, thinking.

Clint knows himself, that he lost his family, Laura's trust, that his kids will grow up knowing he left them.

He misses them so much.

"Tony's friendship." Steve seems so proud to come up with something.

"I'm calling bullshit, again. You lost that because you're a self-righteous dick who thinks keeping secrets is the right thing to do."

"Tony kept secrets too! I'm not the only one to blame." Steve glances at him to agree.

Clint nods his agreement.

"You're right! You guys are one fucked up bunch. I can't believe I was excited to join you fuckers. You cause as many problems as you fix. But at least Stark was trying to fix that! The Accords aren't perfect but they're fixable. The loss of human lives aren't!"

Steve glares at Scott "The Accords were going to put us on a leash and control us. We'd be treated no better than the Winter Soldier."

"Di-did you just compare the Accords to your friend who was brainwashed and tortured for 70 years." Scott stares at Steve shocked.

Steve blinks before realizing what he said. "I didn- that came out wrong. I didn't mean it that way."

"Yeah? Than what did you mean Stevie." And holy shit Barnes has entered the room, apparently hearing parts of the conversation.

Nope, Clint suddenly wishes he was anywhere but here.

Steve gapes like a fish before sputtering "B-Bu-Bucky, what ar- you kno- don't list-."

"Cut the crap Steve." Barnes snaps.

No Stevie? Yeah, Clint really wished he wasn't here. He prayed to any deity listening to turn him invisible.

"Bucky, I didn't mean to make your time with HYDRA unmeaning. But the Accords would control us! Even now they have too much power! Before we know we'll be helping a politician's hidden agenda!"

"You've got to be shitting me." He hears Scott mutter.

"Steve, I don't mean to be rude but 117 countries have agreed to the Accords. All who are able to check each other to make sure that your fear doesn't happen! You're being irrational!"

"So now you agree with Tony! He blew off your arm! He tried to kill you!" Steve argues.

There is no god.

"I killed his parents."

"You were under HYDRA control!"

"Well I don't see the UN sending you guys to do any assassinations!"

The room is filled with silence, both parties huffing for air.

"You know I didn't mean it that way." Steve begs

"But you still said it." Barnes said seemingly staring right through Steve.

"I-I-I" Steve pauses.

Barnes looks at him one last time before turning and leaving the room.

"Bucky." Steve whimpers hurt.

Barnes doesn't come back.

"Well, at least it's clear you're a shit friend to everyone." Scott says cheerfully before leaving the room.

That also seems to hurt Steve.

And shit, he's still here. He needs to leave befor-

"Is he right, Clint?"

Too late.

"Clint?"

"Yeah?"

"Scott? Do you think he's right? That I'm a shit friend?"

He left his family because you called him. Even Tony had the decency not to do that. No, wait, he left because he needed to.

He needs to believe that.

"You're alright. Now I've had some shit friends before and you ain't one. Don't listen to his crap. Stark probably got to him and whatnot."

"What about Bucky? Is he right?" Steve whispers.

Clint knows his script, knows what needs to be said.

"The Accords would control us. Not nearly as bad as HYDRA but it would leave us with our hands tied behind our back. Barnes doesn't realize how bad cuz he's still screwed with HYDRA programing."

Steve nods before saying "You're right. I just wished that they could see it that way."

"It might take awhile but they will." (hopefully) Clint tells him.

Steve smiles before straightening. Nodding to himself and muttering to himself "I just need to get them to see. But how?" He looks up with an idea. "I need to talk to Tony!"

Clint almost wants to ask him if that's a good idea.

Almost but not quite.

Steve leaves the room and Clint breathes easier.

And then Rhodes and Wanda come in, practically yelling, arguing about something.

Please someone shot him.

  
<Steve>

  
Steve knows he can be impulsive. With his actions and his words. But he's been told that it's one of his best qualities.

Because he was impulsive, he not only saved Bucky but hundreds of soldiers kept in a HYDRA  prison camp! And he would do it again if given the chance.

So maybe he should have told someone about the other Winter Soldiers but what good would that do? They needed to act!

Right?

Is he really doubting himself now?

No, he'll just continue his way to Tony's workshop. Maybe he will be able to get Tony to understand that the Accords aren't needed.

And also, maybe get him to reinstate Steve as an Avenger and as the leader.

But baby steps.

First the Accords. And then Tony would apologize for trying to push something onto them that wasn't needed but would still need to face accountability for his actions. Steve would be the leader of the Avengers again. Bucky will get help and realize his was a bit harsh with him. Steve would gladly accept his apologize because Bucky was still affected by HYDRA (as Clint had said) and then finally he would have a nice long chat with Scott about respecting him.

Yes, that was perfect!

It was a good plan.

And maybe a bit unrealistic but he was sure he could get it to go his way if he continued  fighting for it.

And he has arrived at Tony's lab. Thinking he doesn't have to knock just waltz in.

Tony is bent over a table working over a suit of armor and putting information into a computer.

"I thought you were giving up Ironman." Steve was elastic to find out this wasn't true.

"I am." Tony says without looking up.

Steve pauses. What? Is this some prank?

"Oh yeah? Then what's all this?" Steve gestures towards to the suit.

Tony stops to look at him (those dead eyes, he shivers), blinks slowly, and turns back to his work.

Steve stands still before getting impatient and snapping "Stark look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Tony looks towards him and scoffs "Just like dad." And shakes his head. "What did you want again?"

"I want to know what the suit is for. Is it true you're training your replacement?"

"Don't know why you need to know this...?"

"Stark." Steve growls.

Tony stares at him unimpressed. "If you really need to know it's a suit of armor I'm hooking up with one of my AIs. I'll be able to control the suit from the compound and not have to worry about throwing out my back."

All Steve feels is rage. "You built a suit hooked up with your AI."

"Yup."

Steve does the only thing he can think of and grabs a hammer. Pulling Tony away from the armor, he starts to destroy the suit. After awhile he loses the hammer and rips it to pieces with his bare hands. He can hear Tony screaming at him to stop but Steve ignores him.

Finally, when Steve is sure there is nothing salvageable he turns towards Tony. Tony stares at him in disbelief.

"WHAT THE HELL ROGERS!"

"You're asking me that! You're building another Ultron!"

"No the fuck I'm not! Where the hell did you get that idea!"

"Tony, your tech can't be trusted. Didn't you learn anything from Ultron! This AI that you were building could have turned out to be another Ultron. And I'll will not put the world at risk because you're too lazy to suit up!"

"Lazy! Lazy! Fuck off Rogers! Don't come down here again!"

Steve backs Tony into the table, blocking anyway he can leave. "No, Stark you are going to listen to me. The mistakes you've have cost lives or did you not learn that from Wanda."

"Get away fro-" Tony shakes

Steve doesn't notice and keeps talking over him. "I told you once and I'm going to tell you again you are NOT a hero. So stop acting like one." Steve loosens his grip and Tony pushes away from him.

The two stare at each other Tony shaking with fear (he caused that?) and Steve shaking with rage.

Steve steps closer to him but Tony hisses "Stay away from me!" And runs.

Steve thinks about going after him and continuing their conversation but decides against it. He needs to tell the others what Tony was up too.

  
<Bucky>

  
What does one do when finding the resident genius having a panic attack in one's closet.

That was the question Bucky (James?) hoped he could find the answer to.

But he wasn't getting his hopes up.

Tony Stark was rocking back and forth, gasping for air, and digging his nails into his arm. Bucky (Asset?) felt panicked just looking at him.

Bucky (Soldat?) still had no clue what to do.

So he knelt down to Stark's current height.

"Stark? Stark are ya there? Uh...you breathing ok?"

No answer.

So Bucky (Sargent?) did the only thing he could think of and talked.

And the only thing he he knew to talk about was his past. Or at least the parts he remembered.

"I was still pretty young during what people nowadays call the "roaring twenties" but I still have some nice memories. Like when I was 8 and my daddy brought a blender for my mama. She was so damn happy started to blend anything and everything in sight, she made an aces fruit smoothie. Those were some happier times...and then the, whaddaya folk call it..."

"Great Depression." Stark mutters.

Bucky stares before nodding his head. "The Great Depression. That was a terrible time. My daddy was one of the lucky few who got to the bank way before the crowds came and took out his money. At least as much as the bank was willing to give him. It still wasn't enough. Sure, we still had money when most of the other families had long ran out but we still had six people we'd be needing to feed. My daddy couldn't handle that type of pressure. He left in '34, went and became one of those hobos hopping trains. And I haven't seen a lick of him, of course the Twit would be dead by now...but when he left I was the oldest and the only boy so there was no question of who would find a job. Especially when most jobs didn't want to hire a broad over a man. I was able to bring home suds for awhile at the place I worked but then it got closed down in '36. After that I didn't have much of a choice, I need my family to survive, so I became a grifter for a little and I got good at it. People were calling me smooth and with the friends I had people knew not to bother my family. Hell even Steve, that wet sock wasn't getting into some sorta protection. But still as the war heated up in Europe jobs became more available. Alot more hiring and businesses rose again. Life got better." Bucky closes his eyes to remember.

He can't believe how much he remembers...or is this all information Steve told him that?

"And then the war started and you were captured."

Bucky opens his eyes to stare at Stark before nodding.

"This is all the stuff you remember?"

"I'm not sure...maybe I did remember or maybe Steve told me. Everything is still jumbled."

"Oh."

It's quiet.

"Do you want to talk about it? The attack, I mean?"

Stark doesn't answer right away.

"I hated you because you killed my mother. And I did want to kill you. But then I realized it would be so much like the Maximoffs'. At least you were brainwashed and had no idea what you were doing, I don't have the same excuse."

Bucky doesn't understand what Stark means. He  doesn't know Maximoff's (when were there more than one?) story.

Stark realizes his confused face and smiles weakly. "When I was young, I was careless and my weapons were being double dealed and I knew nothing. One of the missiles blew up in Maximoff's house killing her parents. Another landed right in front of her and her brother but never blew. They spent days staring at my names and that's went sent them on their path."

That's why she joined HYDRA. To get revenge on man who only built the missile! That was ridiculous! Do you get made at the murder or the murder weapon?

Bucky voiced his opinion to Stark.

Stark smiles sadly and shakes his head. "Only you brought that up. Even the team I thought was my family didn't defend me..."

Bucky wishes he knew how to comfort people because Stark's look is full of heartbreak. "'m sorry." Bucky mumbles.

Stark laughs harshly "It doesn't matter, nobody trust me after the whole Ultron incident. Why would anyone defend me after that?"

  
"...Is that what sent you into a panic attack?"

Stark shakes his head. "I was building a suit with a AI inside of it, Steve found out and ripped it to pieces. I'm pretty sure there's nothing left...and then he cornered me." Stark shivers. "I thought..."

Steve caused this? The one who fought bullies is now becoming one? Bucky wishes, not for the first time, that he had died falling from the train.

Stark straightens up. "It doesn't matter, sorry for..." Stark looks around and realizes he's in Bucky's room. "invading your personal space. I guess I'll go now."

Stark gets up to leave but Bucky catches his arm. "Are...are you going to tell anyone about what just happened?"

Stark looks at him confused. "Why would I need to tell anyone?"

It's Bucky's turn to look at Stark in confusion. "You just had a, I would guess, very bad panic attack. Doesn't someone need to know? For your safety?"

Stark rolls his eyes "Not all of us are supersoldiers who can apeshit thinking bad thoughts. Can you let go now?"

Bucky stops and thinks for a moment. He knows that Stark has to be wrong that's not what Wilson said. And who's more qualified when it comes to this stuff? "At least can you try to find me next time it happens? Or someone you trust? I don't think it would be a good idea to be alone."

"There will be no next time." Tony spits while getting himself out of the hold. "And even if there is, the only person who should worry about it, is me."

And then he turns and leaves.

  
Bucky wants to help him.

But how do you help someone when you need help yourself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo 419 people are subscribed to this story! 419 people think this is a good story! Like damn, if I could I want to shake all your guys hands! Thank you for the support and I hope you continue reading. I got some surprises coming for you. ✌


	10. Let the Bullet fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just tell you now: This has a cliffhanger! Sorry but I needed to split the chapter up because I wasn't done with the second half. So it was either skip this week's update or just post the first half. As you can see I chose the latter, again sorry. Also warning THERE IS A NONGRAPHIC PAST SUICIDE ATTEMPT anyway if I'm lucky I'll have the second part up Tuesday. Hope you like.

<Tony>

  
Tony is drunk.

Again.

Really, at this point it would be a surprise to see Tony sober.

But he was drinking to forget.

And there was so much he wanted to forget.

The truth of his parents' death.

Steve lying to his fucking face. And destroying his suit.

Ultron.

The Winter Soldier.

But Tony is hated by the gods and he will never be able to forget.

Welcome to his Hell, that's completely in his head.

He doesn't know how many times he'll say it but fuck everything.

To tell the truth, he's starting to hate everything and just wishes he could disappear. But you can't do that when you're a Stark/Ironman because the world will blow it's shit. And Tony really doesn't want to deal with that.

Which got him thinking; if he wanted to disappear and not have to deal with the repercussions, how could he go about?

Kill himself!

That was a amazing idea! Offing himself he wouldn't have to deal with the "rogue" Avengers and also no more Ross the Dickweed. And he would see his mom...if afterlife was real and all that jazz.

But then again, Rhodey...and Pepper...and Happy...and Bruce(?), they would be sad if he died, right?

"Right?" Tony spoke out loud.

But it would be so much easier if he jus-

Tony closed his eyes. Nope, dark thoughts be gone.

Either he's drunk too much or too little. So Tony has a staring contest with the bottle, looking for the answer. Finally he surrenders and grabs the bottle to take another chug.

Taking his mouth off the rim, Tony considers his answer.

Too little.

So Tony keeps drinking. Keeps poisoning his liver because it means that those dark thoughts will go away.

And that's all he really wants.

><><><><><><

Fuck hangovers.

Is the one thought bouncing off his head as he struggles to sit up.

Maybe he should stay drunk forever and never have to deal with another hangover again.

"Or maybe you can stop drinking and still have the same outcome."

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" Tony turns and grins at the person.

Rhodey raises his eyebrow unconvinced, "Yes you did."

"Honey bear! Light of my life, apple of my eye, my righ-"

"Tones, shut it."

Tony throws his head back and laughs. "Whatever you say Sour Patch. How are those prototypes working for ya?"

Rhodey smiles "They're all right. Like my old legs...just minus the whole technology added bit."

Tony sends him an awarding grin (Grammys 2002 and Peoples Sexiest Man 1997), "Good."

Rhodey takes a breath (uh oh, did it just get serious up in here) "Tony, we need to talk." (it did)

Oh shit. The four most feared words on the planet. Warriors defeated, Army's fallen because of these words. And Rhodey has said them to him.

"I'm sorry." Tony blurted.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"You just said 'we need to talk' which is basically a code for 'you fucked up and I need to yell at you for a good bit', you know?"

Rhodey stares at him before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Tony..." He looks at him again, "Tony, you haven't done anything wrong."

"Oh...ok...um...then what did you want to talk about?"

"Your drinking. Don't you think it's gotten bad?"

Tony thinks for a moment, debating if he should tell Rhodey the truth about the thoughts. God knows how he would react. But...

"...Doesn't someone need to know? For your safety?"

The fuck? Is he really remembering what that little murderer said? Nope. Where's a bottle when you need one.

"See! You're thinking about drinking, right now. Aren't you? But why? Why do you think you always need to drink? What's causing this? Tony...I can't stand back and do nothing as you slowly kill yourself. Let. Me. Help. You. Please."

"It's...complicated."

"Tones, I need a little more than that." He begs.

Tony closes his eyes. "The dark thoughts. Drinking keeps them quiet...at least for a little while."

Rhodey sits next to Tony and gathers him into his arms. "The dark thoughts? Like before?"

"Like before."

"Shit."

  
<Rhodey>

  
He doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to remember it.

Wants what happened so many years ago, back when it was only Tony and Rhodey, to be erased off this earth.

Put no, it really seems that the world has a sick sense of humor and likes to repeat itself.

In the word's of a genius: Fuck the world.

1986.

The one year Rhodey came too close to losing Tony. He was only a sixteen year old but going through things that was difficult for college students. There was no way Tony would be able to come out of mentally unscathed.

And he didn't.

Rhodey still remembers the phone call.

_"Rhodey?"_

_"Jesus, Tony? Why the fuck are you calling at......two in the morning? This can't wait till the actual morning?"_

_"You right, sorry, I'll hang up now. Sorry." Rhodey hears Tony sniffle...as if he's been crying? And did he just apologize twice?_

_"WAIT!! Tony are you ok?"_

_The other side of the line is silent and for a moment Rhodey's scared Tony did hang up. But then he thinks he hears something._

_"Wait, can you repeat that?"_

_"I don't know if I'm ok. I don't think I've ever been ok." Tony mumbles._

_"Ok, that's good, keep talking. Tones where are you?"_

_"At the bathroom in Westfield Park."_

_"Tony, why are there?"_

_It's silent for a few seconds again and the fear jumps back into Rhodey's throat._

_"Isn't it where everybody goes to kill themselves?"_

_Rhodey is out of the bed and to his car so fast, they could call him The Flash._

_"Tony, Tony I need you to tell me what you did, ok?"_

_"Rhodey, I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired of everything...my life isn't even my own! If_ _I do this it would be the first decision I made completely by and for myself!"_

_"Tones, please don't do this! You're only sixteen! You got so much to live for, Don't do this!"_

_"But it hurts, Rhodey, it hurts so damn much. I can't go on like this. Please let me do this."_

_"You know I can't Tony. You gotta fight those thoughts."_

_"You don't think I haven't!? I fight them every day and it's a losing battle."_

_"Not with me it isn't!"_

_"Don't worry you'll forget about me in a few years. You'll learn to go on."_

_"Tony, you listen to me and you listen to me well. I. Will. Never. Forget. And. It. Will. Never. Stop. Hurting. Me. So don't you dare do this."_

_"Too late." And the only thing Rhodey can hear is the dial tone._

_"Shit!" Rhodey calls 911, "I have a friend at Westfield park, who I think just committed suicide! You gotta send someone to him."_

_"Sir, we'll have someone there in two and a half minutes."_  
  
_"Thank you so much." Rhodey pulls into the parking lot, hangs up and runs to the bathroom. "TONY! TONY!"_

_And he sees it as he walks in._

_Tony's body swinging by a rope. Rhodey doesn't waste time and cuts the rope, holding onto Tony as he lets him down gently._

_Rhodey checks the pulse._

_Tony's alive._

_TONY'S ALIVE!_

_Thank god._

_Rhodey doesn't try to stop the tears running down his face._

Tony didn't wake up until they were at the hospital.

And they talked about everything. Including the dark thoughts.

Tony agreed to therapy. Quit it after a month but he still did it.

But even to this day, Rhodey still scared it might happen again.

And this time he'll be too late.

Rhodey feels Tony snuggle up to him.

"I don't know what I should do. I'm scared."

"We'll figure it out."

"You want me to go to therapy, don't you?"

"Yeah. Also think you should kick the 'Avengers' out, at least until you got your head on straight."

"You know I can't do that. If Ross or someone like Ross realizes it isn't as perfect as I made it seem...we might end up having Civil War part two."

Rhodey sighs "I know that, but you're suffering because they keep acting like jerks. Don't lie, I know you drink always after they treat you like crap."

"It doesn't matter.."

"Doesn't matter? It matters to me! I rather not have a repeat of 1986."

Tony sighs "Yeah...You're right. How about I give them a ultimatum? That's good, right?"

Rhodey gets up and smiles, "And I'll give them that ultimatum, right now."

"Don't punch anyone in the face, please."

"No promises, you want to come with?"

"Nah, think I'll go down to the lab and work on stuff."

Rhodey stops in the frame of the door. "You're going to be ok, right? Dark thoughts gone for now?"

"Yeah, but ask me again in a hour. It might've changed."

Rhodey smiles sadly, "Kay." And turns to leave.

He's got some rodents to deal with.

  
<Bucky>

  
Sometimes he really hates how stubborn Steve can be.

Like right now, as he continuously knocks at his door. Even though Bucky (James) told him to leave.

"Buck, talk to me. What did I do? Why are you mad?"

He continues to ignore him. Steve is a bully, oh god. His Stevie, who is suppose to fight the bullies, has become one. It's officially, this world has gone to shit.

Maybe he should put a bullet through his head...

"Bucky! Please! Let me in."

Bucky closes his eyes. Sending a silent prayer up to make Steve leave.

"Captain Rogers? Colonel Rhodes requests you in the living room."

He can hear Steve sigh. "Fine, I'll be there in a few. Buck? Please, when I get back let's talk about this, ok?"

He hears Steve leave.

Thank God.

He goes to the door, cracking it and taking a peek outside.

All good.

And he leaves the room, he needs to be gone before Steve gets back.

He.

Can.

Not.

Deal.

With.

Anymore.

Knocking.

Where should he go? Somewhere where Steve would prefer not to be...a freezer? No, he rather not be there either. Then there's really one other place Steve wouldn't go...or rather he can't if he tried.

Well this right here is a real crap situation.

But...

Bucky makes his decision and heads to Tony's lab.

Maybe Tony won't be there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....eh? Please don't be angry I'll update the second half as soon as possible. But if I can get it the I want you'll probably want to kill me, more so than you do now. Anyway want did you guys think? Your comments make me smile. Tune in next week to see what happens to Tony, Bucky, Rhodey, Steve, and the rest of the Avengers in LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN!✌
> 
>  
> 
> Also I need some help from you guys. I'm posting this and all my other stories on Wattpad and I need a cover for them. If you can make good covers I'll gift you a story of whatever you want. I need three covers so far. One for this story, one for Words, and one for all my oneshots collectively. Thanks ✌


	11. Let the Bullets Fly pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehe....sorry?  
> *someone throws a lamp*  
> I SAID I WAS SORRY!  
> But for real, alot of things have been happening, including my brother's dog attacking my dog, and I kept putting this off...also that whole conversation between Bucky and Tony was fucking hard to write. This version is like the 6th or 7th but I hope you like this one and forgive me for making you wait so long.
> 
> We now return to your regular schedule updates.

<Bucky>

  
Apparently he asked for too much.

Stark was in the lab.

A wrench came flying toward his face.

He ducked.

"So came here to finish what you started with my parents years ago? Or maybe you want to finish what Steve started. I should put a bullet through your head, but you'd love that, wouldn't you?" Stark hisses at him.

Bucky could feel the hatred aimed at him.

He winced at the smell of alcohol that usually hung around the air when near Stark.

Bucky, unsure what to do, stayed quiet.

Stark scoffed before turning away from him. "Get out before I really do murder you. But hey, if I do then 'the Avengers' would have a real reason to hate me."

"I know it might mean nothing to but I'm sorry."

Stark turned and glared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Steve, your parents, and the way the team acts..."

"You're shitting me! Out of the hoard of fucktarts, YOU'RE the one to apologize! I mean for God's sake! The first time you came here you were fucking prepared to let me kill you! What the hell is wrong with you! What the fuck is wrong with them!" Stark says angrily. "Barnes, first off, Steve is a big boy so he should be able to apologize himself. Second, yes, you killed my mom but  I know you were brainwashed and shit, and yeah, I haven't completely forgiven you and probably never will."

Stark pauses to catch his breath. "But the team...the team, well I should've seen the signs. I was never their equal, now was I?"

Bucky sees Stark is no longer talking to him anymore and seems lost in his thoughts, mumbling to himself.

"I knew, I knew that it would never last. Everyone always leaves or fucks me over. What did I expect from a world that loves to screw with me. Guess I got pretty lucky with Rhodey, managed to fuck up his legs and yet he stays? Fuck, the man deserves a gold medal for all the shit he puts up.  Just wish sometimes it would all stop. Why do they keep doing this? Don't they understand it hurts...fuck, if I could end it all without worrying how much they would fuck the world, I would."

"What." Bucky says stricken.

Did that just happen? Did Stark really just say what he thinks he said.

"What?" Bucky repeats.

This man wants to die? The man who gave him a place to live and got him help, though he killed his parents, is questioning his own existence.

Stark glares at him.

"What? Shocked that I'm not the super egoistic person that the others made me out to be?"

"You...you don't want to live." It's the only thing Bucky can force through his lips.

The two of them stare at each other for a moment.

Stark sighs and rolls his eyes. "Most days, I'm not sure, it's not a issue. Why the fuck do you care anyway?

But Bucky can't move, feels like his feet have sunken into the concrete. "But...why?"

Stark shoots daggers at him. "You're right, why would I want to die! My life is perfect, I'm rich, I'm a playboy. Want more could anyone want! It doesn't matter most of my friends, people who I thought was my family, fought against me without knowing the full story! Doesn't matter that my mom's death was actually a murder and that when my so-called-friend found out the truth he decided not to tell me. It doesn't matter that everyone tends to forget I'm a fucking human being and love to see me hurt me over and over again because they think I'm invincible!"

By the end of the rant Stark is breathing heavily and yelling.

Bucky stares speechless, was this the real Tony Stark?

Stark is quiet and looks down, probably trying to hide the tears in his eyes, but Bucky's already seen them. Stark whispers "But I'm human, I get hurt and they need to realize that."

Bucky says the first thing that comes to mind "I didn't know."

Tony snorts. "Why would you."

"Maybe I could help? I could talk to them?"

A harsh laughs cuts through the air. "They wouldn't listen and even if they did, why the fuck do you care? Me and you aren't exactly close."

"Yeah, but I can understand you. I know how it feels to want to disappear, to wish to have never been born. I wouldn't wish that on my most hated enemy."

Stark stares at him, eyes void of emotion. "Because of what HYDRA did."

"Because of what I did. Steve likes to tell me it wasn't my fault. He's right in the way that I had no choice of what I wanted to do but...but I still killed those people. It was my hand that wrapped around your mother's throat an-" Stark flinches and Bucky clenches his fist. "I was wiped and remade into their image, over and over again, until I was nothing but a killing machine. Their might've been the ones to pull the trigger but I was the bullet."

Bucky closes his eyes trying to stop the onslaught of memories.

"Yea-" Stark's voice cracks. "Yeah, I get it. I spent my whole life building weapons and sure, I wasn't the one who sold the weapons under the table, but I didn't do a damn thing to make sure it wasn't happening. Same thing with Ultron. Don't know why I thought it was such a great idea to use the glow stick of destiny as his main frame. The thing was evil already, I just gave it a name and tools to almost destroy the world."

The lab is filled with heavy silence.

"The guilt never goes away, never stops eating you up, doesn't it." Bucky says.

Tony nods his head not saying a thing.

He closes his eyes and hangs his head. "I just wish sometimes I could be wiped one more time and forget it all. The pain of remembering is so much harder than the pain of forgetting."

"I think that you got a point but," Bucky opens his eyes and glances at Stark. "Every mistake I've made I want to make up and if I were to forget those mistakes, forget the lives the I've taken, I'd be making their death's pointless. Wouldn't that make me even more of a monster?"

Bucky stays quiet, thinking. Stark is right, if he forgot all his victims, forgot they had lives too, that would make him no better than HYDRA.

Bucky sighs. "There is no win in a situation like this. I forget my victims and live without the nightmares and the guilt but that makes their death's meaningless. Or remember them and suffer through each memory and hope I'll be able to make it up somehow."

"Yeah." Stark looks at his hands. "It doesn't get better, no matter how hard you try. I tried to repent but I keep making the same mistakes, over and over again."

He clenches his fist and slams it into a nearby table.

"Fuck! The Accords were suppose to help, it was suppose to keep us in check. Make sure another Ultron incident wouldn't happen again. And yet..." Stark trails off. He goes boneless and leans on the table. "And yet people still died, the team got broken up, and the world has all the more reason to fear us."

Bucky nods, agreeing with Tony.

"I wanted to stay out of everything but Steve and Zemo ruined that." He puts his head in his hands. "Ten words. Ten words was all it took to turn me into that killing machine."

Tony looks at him perplexed.

"Steve? How did Steve ruin it for you? I thought you were best buddies? Till the end of the line and all that jazz."

"I didn't want to be found, I didn't want to be involved in all this. I wanted time to figure everything out. Steve didn't understand that and kept looking for me. I had to move every few weeks to keep him off my back."

"Well at least he's loyal to you." Tony bits.

"He's loyal to a memory." Bucky snarls. "But I'm not Bucky Barnes anymore, I'm not Sargent Barnes, and I'm not the Winter Soldier...I don't know who I am but I'm not Steve's Bucky, just like he ain't my Stevie."

Bucky pauses.

"This Steve, I don't recognize this him."

"Wait, what? I thought Rogers was always about Righteousness, Loyalty, everything Star Spangled and my-way-or-the-highway shit."

Bucky shakes his head. "Nah, my Stevie was all about helping the little guy and doin' the right thing. Those Accords were helping the little guys, people with out powers, and it was the right thing. But he's gotten so used to hearing himself talk and being listened, he's forgotten what it was like as the little guy."

Tony stares at him confused. "So, wait, you're telling me he wasn't such a douche. That he used be different..."

"Yeah, he used to be different." Bucky pauses and stares at Tony. "You know, you're kinda like he was before the serum. Headstrong, stubborn, and caring."

Tony snorts. "Me? Caring? Apparently the others haven't told you what I'm like."

"They have, but it's so different from the way you actually are."

He gives a sideways glances. "What do you mean, I'm everything they say I am and more "

He sighs. "Maybe that's what you convinced yourself but HYDRA taught me to be able to see through mask and even with a mask as deep-rooted as yours I can see you. The real you."

Tony gives a soft smile. "So your kinda like the terminator, huh?"

He furrows his eyes. "The terminator? I don't understand?"

Tony's face crinkles with laughter. "Ohmigod you're a brunette Thor!"

Bucky watches Tony in amazement and can't help but ask, "Were you like this before? Before....everything?"

Tony stops laughing and smiles sadly. "I wouldn't know. After Ultron I really was suffering but even before? I think I was to busy making them happy that I stopped doing anything they didn't like."

"What about me? Why am I different?"

Tony smirks at him. "You're different because I don't give a fuck of what you think of me. You killed my mother, remember."

Bucky flinches. "Yeah, I remember. Sorry."

Tony stares at him before saying, "After this whole chick flick moment I would be a real dick not forgiving you...and while I didn't mean it then I mean it now. I'm starting to forgive you and their might be a day where I can say I completely forgiven you. We're alot more alike than I'd like to admit...but I know what that guilt feels like so, know, I'm working on forgiving you."

Bucky stare at Stark and feels a warm feeling creeping up his chest. Those words might seem so little to what might expect but they mean the world to Bucky.

"Thank you."

<Steve>

  
Steve sighs. "Fine, I'll be there in a few. Buck? Please, when I get back let's talk about this, ok?"

Steve walks to the living room, wondering what could be so important that Rhodes called him away from helping Bucky.

Well never mind that, this would be the perfect time to tell the team about Tony's new Ultron. He knows they might be angry but at least they know that Tony still needs people to reel him in.

And they would be those people.

Steve makes it into the living room where the rest of his team sits. Rhodes lords over them looking angry towards them.

Not like that's new.

"Let's get some things straight, I'm done with all of your shit attitudes towards Tony. I'm giving you all one last warning. You hurt him, you fuck him over one more time I'll throw you out on the streets and revoke your membership to Avengers. You want to test me? Go ahead. I. Will. Ruin. You."

The room is quiet for a moment before a voice breaks through the silence.

"I want to apologize to Stark."

All heads swerve to see who said that.

Scott.

"The way I treated him was uncalled for. I didn't know the man but assumed his personality based on what I was told by asshats and a man who only knew his father." Scott's face is downcast as he explains.

Rhodes stares at him and says, "Why the sudden change in heart? You want something from him?"

"I watched a video and found out the truth. Also Hope smacked some sense into me."

"You can talk to him but it's his choice to forgive you, understand?"

"Completely."

What?

No.

Doesn't he realized Tony is the bad guy? That Tony can be a monster? Doesn't he realize the destruction that follows behind Tony wherever he goes. Tony's weapons are the ones that killed Wanda's parents. Tony is the one who built Ultron. Tony is the one who didn't understand the terrible truth of the Accords.

"Wait."

All heads now turned towards him. Scott glared at him.

"No, Captain, I'm done waiting. Maybe if I apologize now Stark can forgive all the shit I did to him. Maybe we could be friends...?" As he says that Scott glances toward Rhodes.

Rhodes shrugs.

"No, listen, Tony isn't as clear coated as you believe. He continues to make the same mistakes." Steve takes a deep breath ready to drop the bomb. "He was building another Ultron."

He hears gasps across the room. He tries to hide a smile, happy to know that Scott will know the true nature of Tony and realize Steve was in the right.

"What the hell are you talking about." Rhodes said.

Steve felt the glee raise in him, looks like Tony wasn't telling his "honey bear" everything.

"I went down to the lab a few days ago and Tony was building a suit of armor controlled by an AI. I realized what he was doing and destroyed it before another incident like Ultron could happen." Steve waited for the praises to come for stopping yet another of Tony's mess.

Instead a armored fist hit his nose.

"You giant fucker! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have a few fucking screws loose? Did that serum mess with your head? Why the hell would you think Tony would build another Ultron. He already learned his lesson. Also why the hell would you think it OK to destroy Tony's equipment? You realized that shit cost at least two million dollars? Do you have that type of pocket change? Why the fuck hasn't he thrown your dumbass out, I don't know but I'm sick of your shit so get the fuc-"

  
"Don't speak to Steve that way! For all you know Stark could have been building another Ultron! He's a monster. Anyway what will you do anything this? You said you'd  give us another chance." Wanda argues.

"I'm throw his mother fucking ass out! I done with his shit. That's what I will do. No more chances." Rhodes snarls.

"Hey, hey that's a bit harsh, no? We all know Stark and I think Steve was right to doubt him." Sam said.

"Yeah, Stark tends to think he is doing right, but then ends up almost causing the world's. Steve was right to destroy anything Stark built."

"Enough" A thunderous voice rang out.

All heads turned to Thor.

"Friend Stark has done nothing but given you all a home, and you all have spit on his generosity! Even I have made the mistake to harm the Man of Iron when I laid my hands upon him. But do not be mistaken I will no longer stand for injustices against him. Rogers, you went against Friend Stark when you knew he was serum-less, you hurt him again I will go against you even though you are a mere mortal."

A crack of lightening was heard through out the compound.

"That was so cool!" Scott squealed. "Oh my god! The almighty Thor is very mighty indeed!" He laughs.

Steve really wants to punch him in the face.

><><><><><><

"Bucky?"

Steve knocks at the door.

"Bucky?"

He knocks harder.

"Bucky, talk to me."

Silence.

Steve knows he should be patient with Bucky after all he's gone through....but he just got out of a meeting where he was being continuously attack. He wishes that they understood he had the world's best interest at heart. So yeah he's angry and doesn't want to deal with Bucky's, what did Clint use to say about Wanda, emo phrase.

"Bucky open the door! Now!"

Nothing.

So Steve does the only thing he can do.

He breaks down the door. Tony will fix it later.

The room is empty.

"FRIDAY, where's Bucky?"

She doesn't answer.

What a surprise. Tony's creation acting spiteful.

Steve huffs, sometimes he missed how simple things were back in the 40s.

He turns and leaves the room, praying to god that Bucky didn't turn off again.

><><><><

He's with Tony.

He finds Bucky with Tony.

No.

No.

No.

<Tony>

Apparently living with his mother's killer wasn't going to be so hard after all.

Living with the murderer's angry friend? That wasn't so easy. Especially when said friend came into the lab fists flying.

Tony really didn't want to deal with this.

"Tony, what are you doing to Bucky." Steve yells, face all red.

Really, so he's getting blamed for something he didn't do? That's not a surprise.

 

All of sudden finds himself lifted in the air by his throat.

What the actual fuck?

Why the fuck do people find the need to lift him up by the throat.

"If you think for a moment that I'll let you hurt Bucky, you're dead wrong."

Tony weakly claws at Steve's hand.

This shit is the reason why he really wishes he could disappear.

"Steve, what the hell are you doing! Let him go!"

"I won't let him hurt you anymore, Bucky." Steve tightens his hold.

Tony starts to feel weaker.

He's going to die.

He's going to die and he's going to miss the new Star Wars.

"Steve!"

Tony goes limp.

Let's hope his body is as sexy, dead as it's alive.

Bucky punches Steve. Tony collapses on the floor, hacking up his lungs.

Let's hope FRIDAY recorded that punch. Tony might play it on repeat for days.

"Buck." Steve whispers shocked. "I was trying to protect you."

"You were trying to kill him!" Bucky yells back.

"He tried and wants to kill you." Steve says, probably trying to defend himself.

"Actually, no, I don't. Before you got here, me and Bucky were having a grand ol' time. Thanks for ruining it." Tony says hoarsely.

"I don't want listen to your lies, Tony."

"A liar calling me a liar, how ironic."

At the same time Bucky says, "He ain't lying."

Steve stares at Bucky.

"What?"

Tony wants to laugh at Steve's face. He looks so shocked.

"Bu-but he wants to kill you." Steve repeats.

Tony rolls his eyes. "Well he did kill my mom."

Steve probably gives himself whiplash turning to Tony and glaring at him. "It wasn't him. You know that."

"That's just it Steve, I was the one who killed his mother. I might've not been in the right mind, but it was still my hands that ended her life! It was me, stop trying to convince everyone otherwise!" Bucky tells Steve.

Steve takes a step back. "Wha-what? Bucky, no, I don't know what Tony's been telling you, but it wasn't you."

The lab is quiet as Bucky stares at Steve.

"You're never going to understand are you?" And with that Bucky walks out of the lab.

Steve turns his towards Tony then to the door that Bucky left out of, probably deciding whether to stay and yell at Tony or chase down Bucky.

He makes his decision and heads to the door, but not before stopping to glare at Tony.

As the lab is quiet, Tony curls up on the floor and trys to stop shaking.

How much longer must he deal with this?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry about the MIA business. Also I'm sorry about how the chapter ended but this is the way it needs to be to tie into the next chapter. I'm hoping you guys like this chapter. Next chapter will be here Saturday. Thank you for reading. ✌


	12. NOT A CHAPTER BUT STILL READ!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have important information for you guys. Please read and maybe tell how you feel about this.

Hey guys

MTC here! So I decided to reread this story and I hate it. I've kinda realized the characters are falling flat and the plot is all over the place. And I'm not going to lie, this is not how I wanted the story to go. So I've decided to revise the story to the best of my ability. I'm not deleting the story, I'm to lazy to take all the time to start a new story. But the chapters are going to be slowly replaced with new ones.  The new chapter one will hopefully be out by Tuesday. Don't worry the main plot will be the same but this time with more information and the characters will have more personality. Also Thor and Bruce will have a much stronger presence, cuz apparently while writing this story I kinda forgot about them. Sorry about that btw. But I did wanna thank you guys for reading this story and I hope you'll continue to read it's (hopefully) better version. Thanks for all the support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about this?

**Author's Note:**

> Will add tags later.  
> I update weekly, usually towards the end of the week. So Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday a new chapter will appear.  
> Thanks for reading! Come again! ✌


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